I continue to not pursue but I do reply as when she contacts me. I m friendly, do not get upset nor fight with her.
Good. Continue that. If she initiates contact, vary your timing in reply. Don't need to reply right away unless it's an emergency or time sensitive issue. Keep your communications straight forward, pleasant, and to the point. No R talks. If she brings it up, validate validate validate.
The key in these communications is achieving the balance between being pleasant/confident and being assertive. It comes with time and practice and when the LBS builds enough confidence. If you have NGS tendencies, start working on that.
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Basically just letting her go do her thing.
That is EXACTLY what you need to do. As Accuray says all the time - you have to go in the exact opposite direction. DB is counter intuitive to what your mind and heart are telling you, but it is the right approach.
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It has me apprehensive that I am losing chances with her but I understand that I can not control her.
The only way you lose chance is by making it worse. Pursuit is going to make it worse. You not focusing on yourself and making improvements is making it worse. You have to let her go on her path and journey. DBing might not save your MR, but it will save you. I am living proof of that, and are many many others here.
In the beginning the LBS is completely unmoored and they find DBing strange and against what they're feeling they should do. And so to receive contradictory advice in this stage is really damaging because the LBS does not have a marker for comparison. Follow Sandi's rules for a while and then observe, evaluate, and make tweaks.
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Very hard when she is focused on the D process when she contacts me.
I understand. She is full steam ahead. Don't fight her. Let her have what she wants. She wants the D, cooperate and make sure you are covered and have a good L. Don't do the lifting for the D, let her do that and own that.
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I know mistakes will happen and I know no one thing will ruin me nor save me. Just trying in general to have a solid approach to my sitch
Don't sweat the small stuff. We've all made mistakes. If you read through my threads, I've made some giant ones. My only advice would be to truly focus on yourself. I know it's not easy in the beginning, but the sooner you can do self-care in tandem with NC/Dark, you will start unpacking levels of detachment and also improve your emotional and mental well being. I wish I had done it sooner and been more committed to it. It took some windy routes to get there, but once I got there, there was no turning back. I feel a thousand percent better and I have grown immensely.
I am on the other side of this tunnel and my MR is most likely going to end in D, but I am better emotionally, mentally, and physically than ever. It is truly liberating.
