Is there hope?

[Rita]

Wow, scoobs, we have a lot in common. Only my H has not ever told the kids about his many plans to move out.

I think you are doing admirably well. It is awful what she is doing to the kids, but trust that the truth will be clear to them later if not now, and they will appreciate how you managed to keep the peace even when your W was acting like a bratty teenager.

I don't think she wants to go but she just wants a relief from the pain, which she right now thinks is you.

I am also refusing to sell the house; it's hard.

Can you generate any income from your house? Maybe you can share any income you got from doing AirB or making an office space to rent out. Just thinking of ways to make her feel heard, even if what she wants is unfair and unreasonable.

On the other hand, I try to do this with my H and nothing satisfies his voracious appetite for blame and anger.

I would say that you should go to see a financial planner with her so that it can't be about your personalities or what is going on, but just the facts about money. But if you do meet with her, try the spreadsheet that was recommended to me so it's all in the numbers!