ballast WAWs are usually more reactive to DBing techniques. So if she is just a WAW and not a WW then that bodes well. However, I do disagree a bit with V here. While WWs will often agree to MC so that they can say they "tried", not all of them do. My W was initially resistant to MC. I told her I was going and she could join me. She said she might join later. The MC told her that it would be a good idea to come to the first meeting so that she didn't feel it was the MC and I against her in the future.
She ended up continuing after that. But my W was definitely a WW.
But yes to your question. WAW or WW, you do not pursue.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Also I STILL DO NOT KNOW if my W has OM! Although from what I've learned basically that does not change how I approach my sitch.
That's not so.
A wayward is VERY different to a walk away. Very different.
If your W is a walk away stick very strictly to classic DB. You work on you. You do not go NC but remain friendly neighbour.
DON'T EVER treat a walk away as if she was a wayward. It will confirm your jerk status, accusing her of cheating when she isn't.
Assess why she is walking and resolve it, and MC can work with walkaways as long as the MC is pro M.
V
I whole heartedly agree with Vanilla here, unlike some forum members who disagree regarding WAW vs WW. I am in a very similar situation with my WAW stitch
A WW wife is a cheater, highly manipulative and can go to any extent to hurt LBH coz she can blame LBH due to OM physical and emotional support.
However a WAW is usually a broken hearted, low self esteem woman who is in deep depression. They just want to be alone and peaceful and continue with life. The feel abandoned like my wife.
I made a mistake of going conplete NC / Dark and it has definitely created more apathy and disgust towards me. She may never cone out of it. She feels i sinply abandoned her in her own miseries. You should give her space but the space should not be so much that it creates vacuum between the two of you. Initially when separated both of you will be very angry. Going NC for a few weeks is acceptable. But should not be prolonged. When she contacts, and still not interested, its your duty to follow up and slowly get back showing a confident personality and firm voice. WAW will really see if this is pursuit or a true effort.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Also to add a bit more,if you go NC / dark long with a WAW, they will think the below-
1) you have given up onthem 2) you dont deserve them or you deserve someone better 3) Their mindset will strengthen the need to move on without you because they are thinking you have moved on. 4) they develop more apathy towards you and distance increases 5) they become very vulnerable and may fall a good chance for other males to get attracted or they start exploring new avenues.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Nutcrac - this whole NC thing has been addressed in your thread and with the overwhelming response by the board, you are clearly in the minority and dead wrong about it. Please don't project your way of doing things to what DBing is about. You have clearly not followed the NC/Dark route for a long enough time to understand the nuances of it.
NC/Dark can go for MONTHS!!! Let me repeat that - MONTHS!!! only then you can actually see the outcomes and result of it. Most people who have recon here, have done that. You are simply not following the advice given to you and that's upto you.
I did NC/DARK for 12 months now, and W is still showing anger and rage. You can't short circuit this process. Go through this process for at least a year and then report back.
Ballast - if I were you, I would ignore Nut's take on NC/dark. It is simply not correct.
Appreciate the comment Maika. I continue to not pursue but I do reply as when she contacts me. I m friendly, do not get upset nor fight with her. Basically just letting her go do her thing. It has me apprehensive that I am losing chances with her but I understand that I can not control her. So I move forward for me and pray and hope with time will come opportunity. Very hard when she is focused on the D process when she contacts me.
I know mistakes will happen and I know no one thing will ruin me nor save me. Just trying in general to have a solid approach to my sitch.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/29/1802:52 AM. Reason: restored post
