I made the wrong decision. I read messages between her and her two friends.
Don't do that ever again. The more you know the worse it is for you. It will only torture you, and will torture you for a long time.
Quote:
And W saying things like he's everything I'm not. Of course I felt a lot of anger reading the messages. There was plenty of bashing of me from her and her friends. I think I noticed though that although every mistake of mine was immediately shared with her friends, the things I've done right go unreported.
Now that you have read it, make sure you do not believe it. All of this is a load of crap. Not a speck of truth (although she may well believe it). Please look at it from her perspective. She did something that she knows is very wrong, selfish, hurtful. How can she justify her actions in front of her friends and most of all in front of herself? She can do only one thing: she starts explaining how unhappy she was, how incompatible you two are, she lists every single flaw you have (real or not, significant or not) and then she says that OM is everything you are not. Now it is obvious in her and in her friends eyes that she did not have a choice but to start the A.
As long as the A continues, every little mistake you do will be looked through the lens " My H is making me unhappy. This is why I have the A. OM is so much better/different".
Just remember that despite everything she says, her having an A does not reflect who you are, it reflects who she decided to be. If she was that unhappy, she would have not needed an OM, she would have left earlier.
The good news is that most A crumble sooner or later. Too much lying and inconveniences. Most likely than not she the feelings will wear off and she will (subconsciously) realize that OM is not that perfect. At this stage she will look back at you and will try to find out if it is worth coming back to you and go through the painful process of reconciliation and R rebuilding. At this point you have to show her that you are somebody she would be an idiot to reject - a stand-up H and loving father, an independent and self-confident man. The sooner you get into that mindset, the easier it will get to live through this.
