Hi Nicole, thanks for reading my thread. I think you summarized my sitch very well.
I will try to answer your questions. You konw it is difficult for me to say what I felt for my W when high in the affair. Guilt, shame, depression for the situation.
Before the PA I felt I had to protect OW and her son. After knowing my truth and a lot of IC I discovered it was related with my own fear of abandonment. OW and son were my mother and I. And I had to protect them. But I was leaving my W and son so the conflict was a very strong one. OW did a lot of pressure about being happy in life. But I was never going to be happy leaving my family. That defined my on-off pattern relation with OW. She pushing and I stepping back ... keeping contact at work, mind manipulation, sex adiction, you know ... an endless situation.
OW was my soul mate during the affair ... all those feelings that affairs produce. Well, it nearly destroyed my life. My W and I lost ourselves through the M. I was attracted to OW but I knew I was not going to be happy leaving my family. Getting attraction back to my W was/is a slow process. IC and latter this forum helped me to realice where I was standing and where I was going. I am in peace with myself now. Still fighting OW related adiction sequels but really concious of where I am.
