RE: Returning- After some bad stuff- need advice

[mbe76]

So after being arrested for alleged assault- which I was not guilty of- the charges were eventually dropped- but I was bailed which forced me out of the MH. I have been GALing successfully, even to the point where my efforts have really paid off, and I genuinely felt that as I cannot control her, I took the whole don't believe anything she says and only half of what she does to heart.

I took other advice and took steps to begin to separate finances, whilst still paying 50% of the mortgage and house insurance, and paying towards the childrens upkeep (3 kids) all other bills were transferred over to her name for her liability, and whilst we still have a Joint Account- it is heavily overdrawn and as it is a joint liability, I am reluctant to pay this off myself.

The current situation is that I bath the children every night so get to see them, and I was all set for filing for D, and although this was on the horizon, we were getting on better, and going out as a family together- me her and the kids, as we haven't spoken with the children yet- they just think that I am staying at their Grandparents for a while- but as we were spending time together as a family- she then told me that she didn't want a D- and that she wanted to try counselling- I was reluctant at first- but over the last week or so, she explained how she wants to be happy but she would find it hard to trust me- and whilst it is her choice to trust or not, it is also mine- we have been unhappy in the MR for a long time and she began an EA with the OM which developed into a full A just after Christmas, up until this week however, she was still in contact with him and she tells me that she still has feelings for him that can't just be "switched off" and whilst I understand that, the jealously and stress it is causing me is extreme, so I have gone dark again, I just don't know what to do for the best, as I told her straight that I cannot allow her to have 3 people in her marriage and she said she understood, but I feel that while I am still going out with her and the children, this is enabling her to continue to message and be in contact with him, and I feel like she is taking me for a ride.

Please can someone advise me on what to do?
I want to spend time with my kids, of course, I do, but I can't help but think that if I do carry on going on days out with her as well, then this is somehow signalling to her that she can continue her behaviour. In the meantime, I am stuck in a lonely room at my mums, not being able to think straight.

Any ideas? Thanks in advance