WW in MLC in need of advice-Part 2

[Natash]

How much do your Ds understand about the OM? They are still young but D7 may have some idea at her own level.

I don't think she understands. She has mentioned him as Mom's friend who we went out to eat with. I wouldn't be surprised if she has seen him a handful of times but she doesn't talk about it and I'm not going to bring it up. I do know routinely D7 wants friends to come over to BBQ or swim and it doesn't matter to her if they are her friends or mine. It's usually last minute when she asks so I ask the friends and they can't as it's last minute. So I explained to her we need to plan these things ahead of time so she won't be sad and miss the people that couldn't make it. I explained sometimes even when planned ahead they may not be able to one over and we'll miss having them and D7 responded "like Mom,I miss my Mom being here" I responded I understand pumpkin, we do miss Mom.

Somehow I didn't catch that OM is still in the picture. For some reason I thought I read that they broke up but I think I may be mixing up threads. If he's in the picture then everything I said was completely wrong so it's good you got other better advice!

Thank you for catching that and clarifying. I started to get my hopes up after reading your response and thought " she sees WW wanting to reconcile more than I do, maybe I'm missing something. No worries though as I enjoy everyone's input and realize most of us are in the same boat looking for support.

Tonight WW stopped by while I was giving D6 and d7 bath. She dropped off new bathing suits for Ds to be able to leave at summer care. I thought she looked terrible and aged. Still had no patience and was in a hurry as if she wasn't comfortable being in her own home. She didn't have her wedding ring on and I probably shouldn't have but I asked her as I grabbed my ring on my finger and said is this when we stop wearing these? Her response was I don't have any Jewelry on. WW left without hugging or kissing her girls. It was sad to see but as I witnessed it I was telling myself I can not and will not be in a relationship with someone like that.

On her drive home I got a text asking if the new suits fit but it started out with "he said..". I figured she typed a response on my name and meant to send it to someone else (like she was reporting to someone else something I had said) She blamed it on the iPhone corrections and admitted she was naughty and texting when she shouldn't and was not paying attention. In the past she couldn't stand people on their phones while in a car. Her 17 yr old brother was killed in a head on collision right around the time my wife was just getting to know him well due to the age gap. They believe he was distracted by messing with the radio and crossed the center line. I know since BD WW is texting and driving more than ever. D7 told me mom got a holder to clip to the vent in the car dash to hold her phone to make typing easier. I called her out on it one day and told her stop texting when driving while the girls are in the car. At that time she said she was at a stop sign🙄. So I didn't want her to think I'm being a fatherly figure as in the past that is what she'd say if I told her to stop doing something like this but, I need her to think about her life and my daughters lives are more important than any text. So without knowing for sure he was driving and texting I responded "you are smarter than that and know better" she replied yes I do, I was almost home.

These past few days have been downers for me and I think it is because I thought DBing and my actions were going well and I was sensing some change but then got the text from WW telling me the separation is pushing her further away. I'll give it some time but I deserve better. This weekend I'm heading to the driving range with a buddy and possibly for the first time in years, my dad. Saturday I got invited to a classmates home for an all day party. She is having a BBQ, Cornhole, swimming, drinks and a campfire. I look forward to that and catching up with possibly my best friend from middle school who might be there.

Oh, before I go, I read today that every once in a while a lbs should show an act of kindness or love to the ww so she knows she is still welcome. Do you veterans agree? Then I got wondering if that is true, after I plan out D7s BD party and assuming WW doesn't try to invite herself, should I invite her? It would be awkward for the friends and family that know the sitch but I believe my wife would love it if she could join and see it as a kind gesture on my part as i know she looked forward to these summer time party's. This does contradict the tough love/we are separated playbook IMO.