WAW - managing limbo period

[40free]

A quick update that as agreed, yesterday my L and I crafted a letter that sets out, in a rational and amicable way, why I think my W should move out, how this should not prejudice her position, and why it will help both of us keep this amicable, as we both want. The letter went to her L today.

My W and I were actually out together all day today, with S17 at another school open day. We had a really nice day the 3 of us, with my W and I engaged in joint parenting and helping our S think through how his future might be in this new school. I really enjoyed the the day - it was probably the most time my W and I have spent together in one stretch for 10+ weeks. I like being in her company when she's being normal and nice, and I forget momentarily what she has done to me and what we are going through. And then I awake from the reverie and realise this is not how its going to be in the future, and I get sad again - inwardly at least. Outwardly I'm being the normal, fun and positive Dad for S17's sake.

It's tough this process. Waves of sadness are clearly still hitting me, even though I am resigned to getting on with my life without my W and can be strong at times. I just have to keep focused and try to detach better. Reading back my recent posts I can see I have completely lapsed with the DB'ing, and need to get back to it to get my sanity back.

When we got back from our trip today, I was then out for the evening watching football with friends as planned. So some GAL at least, even if my mind was not really distracted from the domestic situation that much. I still have not told my friends anything, and will only do so after we tell the kids, but I realise doing so will make this suddenly very real, and I'm dreading that moment if I'm honest. I think it says to me that I am clearly not moving on or detached, and I need to work harder to do so. Or maybe this is just a normal set of emotions for this stage in the process?

Since being home from GAL this evening, my W hasn't spoken to me at all. I think she has probably read the letter we sent, and feels she not ready to engage with me until she has spoken with her L to get advice. So we'll see what tomorrow brings in that respect - but we do need to discuss and agree something soon, if we are telling the kids next Saturday. We have also arranged to see a mediator next Thurs 5th to get that process going, so some discussion will be necessary in advance.

The other thing that made this real yesterday was that I told my mother what was happening. Up until now, I had only confided in my father as he is the stronger more rational one, and she just worries about everything and doesn't sleep. But now this has become inevitable, I felt it was important she know, and she was of course devastated for me (and the kids), but will be supportive going forward. This really is happening, and I just need to get my head around it.

No questions again for you today - just an update. I think when I get the response from my W to my L's letter I may have a few things to seek advice from you all on, but for now, just thanks for reading. More to come over the weekend no doubt.