so my sis is not local, but I do understand what you are saying. definitely wouldn't defend BIL. In talking to her and how unhappy she is, strangely I've gained some compassion for my W. it's easy for LBH to believe WW are happy, but my sis is miserable...truly miserable AND says she loves my BIL...BUT she says no feelings.
interestingly while I have tried to help her, sis already has her options laid out so to speak and perhaps surprisingly I've not told her anything I'd want to tell my W mostly as her issues are not those of my sitch. definitely just be there for her and her brother.
and yes, agreed...not taking sides at all. some time ago you posted about things the LBH does/does not do which can lead a wife wayward, BIL has done some of those, BUT her seeing OM was her choice. I'm simply praying for their MR and my niece.
as for me...well 4 months no word from W on MR, only talk of D issues, I have been told D will happen ASAP, anger/spew randomly thrown at me...at least my sis will be talking to/with BIL...as I said before just wish when my W started feeling problems that she came to me and suggested we seek help...never happened unfortunately.
