I'm still trying to go slow and be cautious even though I want to dive right back in. The change back to me appears to have happened so quickly, it is a little hard to believe it is real. I know these changes build up slowly over time, but it was like a switch was flipped.
I completely understand. You do not want to rush things. You need to be confident that this is what you want, and it can be done right. IMO, these are things you can bring up with your W. "I am quite confused here and do not know what to think. You were saying for months how unhappy you were. Now, you are talking about resizing rings that you refused to wear etc..."
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I know I do want her back, but I have always told myself that would also depend on her reaction when I confront. If she denies and continues to lie it will make it very hard to trust her again. If she comes clean, then we have a solid starting point.
First, I do not agree with the word "confront". Why do you want confrontation? All you want is to clear something that has been a huge pain point to you for months. You do not want to accuse her of anything. You have tacitly accepted her affair already. You got nothing to confront her for.
But want to come clear, you want her to come clear, you want her to commit that she will stay away from him and explain how she will do it, and you want her to explain how she will handle the situation with your Ds (which is by far the biggest issue for me). I do not see confrontation here.
If she denies, you suspend all rekindling activities until she does. You do not need to leave her, or anything like that, but you can show her that the current R does not work for you. You have lived in this R for a while, you can wait some more to get a chance of something better. But you do not want to work on your R on the premise that nothing has happened over the last year. A healthy R is built on openness and trust. You cannot have partial openness like "I am open about everything outside the period between November 2017 and June 2018". So if she denies, you keep things the way they are and keep your distance, keep detaching, keep GALing.
