I agree, you have to respect yourself more than your desire to chase someone that doesn't want to be with you. If you start respecting yourself more by following what Sandi has laid out eventually you will see a shift in your R. My shift started at about the 6 month mark.
When the shift occurs it still doesn't mean they want to recon but it is your best shot. That combined with turning yourself into ass kicking machine is really the only way.
If you do both those things and you still end up D there is not much else you can do IMO.
The one thing that is different in all of these sitch's is the spouse on the other end. Some might wake up when the A is exposed. Some might wake up if the LBS tells them to leave the house. Some might get scared and say they want a D and never file. Others will move out, file, get D'd and then at some point in time wake up many years later. Other move out, file and never look back.
The only thing you can do is put yourself in the best possible position to succeed whether that is with or without your MR saved.
