Can I really do this #4

[sandi2]

I don't know if I did this right, or wrong. How can she be so blind as to not see what is right in front of her? How can she not realize how much this will affect ALL of us? What the kids can do, what we can do, schools, activities, vacations, standard of living, EVERYTHING. I just don't get it. IF she was so dead set on parting, wouldn't she already be gone? Why wait? As stated prior, I do not think there is a PA. There may be an EA, but with her desire to relocate outside of the city we are in making anything else much more difficult how much stock could she be putting into that? I am not trying to mind read just observing

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ cheese less tunnels. You've got to stop this type of thinking right now. It shows on you, which is not attractive to your family. The entire family is depressed, and needs something to inspire them. Something like moving to a new location.

I think you really must stop thinking about the move as a solution for the MR. It may open doors that offer those solutions, but I get the sense you want her to commit before leaving for the new place. I just don't think she will succumb to you emotionally pressuring her about the MR. If you will treat her like a partner or teammate, and stop being uptight about her and the MR.......she might actually start becoming excited about living in a new location. This move may be just the right distraction she needs. However, if you are in the background wringing your hands and showing the urgency on your face, and pressing her for a commitment..........you stand a good chance in losing this opportunity. I couldn't remember, but She is still sleeping in your bed, so don't change it. Leave it be.

You want everything resolved and hear her say she is committed to staying in the M, before making the move. I get it, but I just think it will be too much emotional pressure. It might kill her excitement/pleasure of new things to come. I think if the move totally hinges on her decision to reconcile........she is going to add this to her string of other resentments, and D14 will, as well. So, please.......please be careful and don't pressure her. Give her time to mull it over. You could kill this dead, if you push about the R.

You did the right thing by telling her in advance and giving her a sense of partnership in making the decision together. It was a good move to include D14 and see how she felt about it, too.

I won't say no WW wouldn't take advantage of this situation, but I can't help but think your W knows perfectly well that you want to keep your family in tact. Yes, there is always a chance she might bolt later down the road. Nobody has guarantees. It's a chance. But I think it may be a better chance, than you have staying in your current location. If she didn't jump up and immediately tell you nothing would change in the relationship.........that tells me she was excited about moving to a new place. Like I said, it could have some healing value in it, at least enough to get you on friendlier terms. When she gets there, she could have a whole new change of attitude.

You were excited, too, about the idea of a fresh start. Go with the move, and let them feel excited and happy. Don't lay down the law and say how it's going to be once you get there. Wait and see how this moving experience affects the family........bringing everyone together, sharing new plans, adventures, etc. Feeling a spark of life and happiness is good medicine for what ails the soul. Living with depression is hell on everyone in the family. If you bring up M talk, I think you'll ruin it before it gets off the ground. Please, no R talk.

I hope & pray this will be a new lease on life for everyone.