Hi all, I need advice and guidance. I feel I am approaching the end of road here, H is relentless and I not budging is making things hard at home. He is keen on a D and not just a S. meeting with mediator is next week.
I am going to honestly speak with H before mediation about finances and custody. I will not initiate it but since I know it will come up, I am being prepared for it.
Will validate, keep the conversation to the point and ask him to be civil
Please review these and let me know if any of these should be avoided. I dont know if I am DBing any more to save the MR, but I need to end this amicably enough so may be there is a future at some point or at least we are able to be amicable enough for the kids.
- I am planning to let him know that I have let go. Well emotionally not really but I have no choice so I am at the Last resort beyond LRT phase.
- Negotiate for more custody than what I may get through courts, tell him this in a good way. For their age child custody will not be 50/50 and that is what he is asking for. Tell him i am not a part time mother, I really am not, I have said this before and that the children are just babies so this is the hardest thing for me. I plan to let him know I have met with a L and I know my rights and I will comply with a mediation enabled quick D if he gives me favorable custody time. If he refuses I just say since we cannot seem to agree I do not know what else to do and he is free to do as he wishes.
- I want both of us to be happy and stable since the kids are small and depend on us. So if D is going to make you happy then you can have it and I respect your decision to be free.
- I will thank him for the kids and for the 15 years and say I choose to remember him by that and not by the last 6 months.
- I will be as much NC as possible even while he is at home rather than being like a friendly neighbor.
- at any time if the convo gets heated, I will just take a time out saying this is not going in a positive direction and we will need to take a break.
_ If we cannot come to a consensus, then I will politely say that this does not seem to be reaching a mutual agreement and I will walk away saying it is now up to him however he wishes to proceed.
There are going to be a lot of temper tantrums, complains about how I ruined his life and how I am the reason for all this, I will be calm and respond with 'sorry you feel that way', ' I can see how it must feel like that for you', 'it is unfortunate that this is how things are'
He fears people will think he is abandoning his family so he wants the mediation agreement done before he leaves home so he will be able to say this was an amicably reached settlement due to incompatibility.
I have to rehearse multiple times, and the biggest thing will be to not cry during this, whenever it comes to kids I tend to break down every time so I really need to control it not sure how I can do that.
Which one of these convos is anti DB? any advice on anything else to add or modify. If I should absolutely stop saying any of it please correct me. Please help
