We've been talking on a couple other people here's threads about attraction and not giving too much too fast, scaring away, etc. It is a very interesting topic to me and I think there is a lot to it. Well, last night I experienced a little case study myself with it. It very well might say a lot more about me personally than anything, but I'm hoping others get something from it like I did.
As those following along with me and Wild Girl, I have been surprised at how well things have gone, how well we get along and my attraction to someone who in at least some ways is not my type. Still, I am who I am and even though I'm still comfortable and really enjoying the time we've spent and interaction that has continued - much to my surprise - that dynamic could easily change - and sort of almost did:
We obviously had a really great Sunday and Monday together. A 30 hour date for me is kinda off the charts this early on. Yet, I was perfectly comfortable with it all. We ended up on the phone until nearly 2:30 AM Tuesday night - something again, I rarely do. Not planned it was totally an OMG do you have any idea what time it is? We were both shocked and quickly ended so we could sleep. I didn't reach out during the day but she did in the early evening. All was normal as she started telling me about her day on text. This is where things went a bit south as they can on text.
She started by saying how the girls at work finally confronted her saying, "something had to have happened this weekend as you have been 'glowing' for two days now." I was fine with this but it was sort of warning #1. She then tells me how she has started to get her hair lightened. She knows my typical type is tall blondes - her being a 5' 2" with dark colored hair. #2. She swore she had this appointment weeks ago and it had nothing to do with me. We talked a little bit about how time just flies by when we are together or interacting. She said it was scary, which I questioned about lightly. Her response was to send me a link to the country song "Get to You" For those not familiar, it's about a girl that runs away anytime she feels something due to being hurt in the past. All of the comments to the YouTube video said as much "This is totally me, I always do this." and "I always push guys I like away," etc. Warning #3. At this point, I'm like Fukk!!!! Not already. This was going so well. But I was quickly becoming turned off, thinking of this shy, hurt girl who is scared and ready to run, or create conflict to push someone away, etc. Just not attractive. Plus I'm thinking she is getting too into me too fast here. It really was such a turn off. Now, I too was over-thinking as I often do, but was already running through in my head, well, this was fun while it lasted I guess but I don't do clingy, emotional, crazy, desperate women. Just not me.
Thankfully, I said, you know what, you need to call me because I think I'm getting confused here. She did a little later and the vibe and dynamic was a 180. She was back to her normal self. Now I still think deep down she is more into me than she admits but she is playing it very, very well. Perhaps playing me very, very well? Who knows. But my attraction was back immediately. No more pressure, no thinking she's scared and needing to run. No thinking she's going to want more from me than I'm ready to give.
I just found this extremely interesting and a case study in what we've been talking about. The more she might have pushed, whether my perception or actual reality, the less interested I was. As soon as that pressure was gone the attraction was back. I have no doubt it's the same for her. I'm nearly positive she's more into me because she can't see me, likely, for another 10 days as I'm busy all weekend and so is she.
Take from it what you will. I just think there is a lesson here.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
