Your actions betray your words about being strong and confident and you have nothing to lose. You're acting to her like you have everything to lose.
Also, I know about the anger part. This is the important part - there is NOTHING you can do about the anger. She has to process that and deal with that herself. All you can do is make it worse, but not better. The only way it gets better is if you get out of the way of the anger. She can project it as much as she wants, but if you let it off your back and disappear, then that anger has nowhere to go for her.
No matter what you try, if she's angry, it's not going to matter. It took my W almost a year to get out of her anger and rage, and she's still not out of it completely. I got out of her way. That's the only option.
You've gotten great advice here and you've ignored all of it. But, that's okay. The outcomes will speak for themselves when it comes around. And as I said, I hope you're right, but I will bet against your approach. All In with all chips.
The problem here is my wife has a very low self esteem that she is not beautiful enough and she cannot attract me towards her. I did not act to her making her feel like i have everything to lose. Sorry! She clearly said last time when we spoke, she does not want to be married to me as she doesn't feel loved or being wanted by me. Hence this is an unconventional case, where she wants just the opposite. A feeling of being cared for and deserved. However her heard will not open up as she no longer trusts me.
Yes, the anger may never go away. In my wife's case i expect it to stay forever . Forget a year or even 10 years. The trust and her anger issues are what is stopping her to come to me.
And i think i have said it clear. You guys may all be right. Put all your chips in. Like the movie "Inception" the end outcome is not something that really matters to me now. I am strong enough to handle life by my own regardless of the outcome!
Nutcrac, WRONG WRONG WRONG! LOL This is a WAW trying to let you down easy. It is like the GF breaking up with the BF saying "it isn't you, its me!"
She is projecting. When a WAW says "he doesn't feel loved or being wanted by me" that means "I don't love you and I do not want you."
You are believing what she says and you can't do that!
On BD my W said things like "I don't think you love me." "I don't think you ever wanted to marry me." "I don't think you can take care of me." SO WRONG, your situation is not unique and you are deluding yourself telling yourself that.
I don't understand that if you expect her anger will never go away how pursuing her can change that. But whatever.
I hope you are right about being ready no matter the outcome. I don't believe you otherwise you'd be taking a different tact on this. But I've said my peace. More times than I should. I leave you to do what you want. I will bow out since you don't want to hear it anyway.
Peace, and I will pray for you and your sitch.
A few things - 1) Why does she cry at her workplace restroom everyday? 2) Why did she roam around the marital home 4 - 5 times the past month since i left. 3) Why does she see our pictures together in dropbox secretly which keeps showing up in my recently viewed list. (I removed her dropbox access btw) 4) Why does the DB counselor / sandi2 think otherwise that she is also in love with me but too much pride to admit?
Like i said she is too stubborn to admit she loves me and she may never. I don't know. She does have feelings for me. But does not want to live with me. Its similar to the real life story of Jennifer carpenter and Michael C Hall (Dexter hero) when they married and separated. She cried on the interview set, when asked why she divorced Mike. She said she has a lot of respect for him, however they are not made for each other. My wife thinks exactly the same. Nothing wrong. She has sensed it.
When I said pursue - I never meant clinging and going and text rampage to the point it drives her crazy. I would do it slowly and steadily. A lonely woman at one point wants to feel deserved. Whether it is me or someone else time will tell. If its someone else i will let go off with less pain.
And definitely i value all your inputs. Sometimes we need to follow certain things in a non-conventional way, regardless of outcome.
Steve85, Its straightforward. My spouse knows that I have developed the kind of ability to let go off her. In the last 6 years i was an NGS clinging to her. By going dark/ NC I have proved, I dont have to have her all the time. Now she is a bit curious how i manage. And she is surprised as well that I have let her go that far. So if I have a glimpse of hope of talking to her again, and slow pursuit, without ANY HOPES or EXPECTATIONS from my end, I am ready to accept the outcome either ways!
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
