Walk Away Spouse after 6 yrs - Part 2

[Nutcrac]

Why dont you tell us what your thoughts are first?

How do you think this helped you?
Or did it hurt your sitch?

How did you feel before, during, after?

Let me know how you think it went and what impact it may have and then ill tell you what I think.

So I was prepared for the Worst case scenario. Thought she would get belligerent and abusive when she sees me or when i brought up the topic of discussion. However, I got just the opposite. She is very very lonely. She misses me but too stubborn to admit it. She agrees that she is emotionally very attached to me but her decision to end this marraige is final. However, she did not pick up any fights or arguments or literally anything that caused more pain. She seems peaceful.
It definitely helped the situation since she said she would consider giving a 2 months extension rather than divorce which is painful for both of us. That in itself is a big win for me at this time. As long as she is peaceful and not being bothered of the past she seems ok.
I was confident (a little bit of mixed feelings) before I met her, I was confident throughout the time i spoke with her. when i left i was satisfied with the conversation outcome. That was the best i could expect as I had prepared for the worst situation.
I feel she doesn't want divorce either like sandi2 mentioned. She definitely didnt like the fact that I allowed her to step out of home. (I had to as she was stubborn & adamant to leave) and she still blames me that I kicked her out. Wrong! however i kept my cool. So i understand what she is going through. I feel my mutual friends talking to her helped her a lot. So she could let out all her bad feelings about me and my family. And that may have calmed her down. She was definitely not happy about me setting boundaries and breaking them. She conveyed that to me. However she was also receptive of the fact that she would give 2 months extension and that's it.
I spoke with the DB counselor soon after meeting her. The DB counselor felt that I should have contacted her before giving that letter. The letter although conveyed a lot of message to her was not put in the right way. Both of us are talking mouth to mouth. Not Heart to heart. Both of us definitely don't want divorce. But too much pride to validate each other. Both of us have not seen the last of each other breaking boundaries and getting back on conversations. Hence she suggested the need for more validation from my end and show empathy towards her rather than asking for explanations. She did agree to the fact of my decision that I should take it forward by wooing her down the line since it is what she seems to expect from me. She is just signalling me but she is not conveying from her words. Sandi2 has pointed out some of these points in her earlier posts.

I feel overall it was a positive sign in the right direction. Again I am not concerned about the outcome. I know few of you suggested not pursuing her by meeting her and all that. I feel that was not the right decision in my case at least. She did not treat me bad. She was receptive of my withdrawal decision and she was willing to give it a thought. She did not belittle me and was neutral.

I feel the loneliness has made her realize a lot of what she did and her feelings in this marraige. She has too much stubborn pride and does not want to apologize. She still puts me in the fault of kicking her out and suspecting a dark side of me (To this date i dont know what that is!) Like i said, I will just be strong going forward. I will not give in to her bad treatment. However even though she clearly told me not to pursue her during the Reconciliation phase, I have to woo her one way or the other, and hopefully involve my friends to have her socialize and slowly approach her. I am just taking a leap of faith in the whole situation and not bothering about the outcome. That is all that matters and I am happy about that!