Can I really do this #4

[Dtrmned]

First, W said she didn't hear back from mediation company and is trying to be patient with them to get an appointment set.

I did take your advice and approached my W yesterday evening to discuss the relocation possibility. The conversation went pretty much like you had role played with. When I mentioned that I wanted her involved as it affects all of us, I do think she appreciated that and responded positively. I did ask her to please just listen, give feedback and ask questions, but I wanted her to listen and then take some time to think over the next couple of days.

Her first reaction was not a positive one. She mentioned that she may ask her father for a "loan" until she gets back on her feet but even as she was saying that there was disdain in her eyes and she expressed that she absolutely doesn't want to do that ever. Her Father is very selfish and of course we have the underlying physical, emotional and sexual abuse from him when she was a kid. Hard to believe that she would ask him for money, but I guess if you feel these a desperate times.. It was not a "no way in he!!", but that she didn't want that. We talked for a few more minutes and I just emphasized that if this is the direction she wanted her life to go (the relocation) that it could happen and we could all have a fresh start. If the desire is just to part ways and move on, that unfortunately I don't think it could happen and we would most likely have to live in the city we are in for at least the next 7 years (when on graduates High School). Left it at that and she said she would think on it but she did make the comment that didn't believe the MR was a possibility.

Here is the funny, ironic part of the rest of the evening. We are trying to work with our D to get more active. Problem is that she has no motivation and with W not looking to do anything she is not pushing her that much as well. W is totally behind D doing something, but I am concerned that when she gets more involved in sports or dance or something else, that it will be difficult doing this if we divorce just due to time availability (both of us will have to have jobs and with the newly found financial challenges there won't be much extra cash for these extracurricular activities. When we were talking about it W had mentioned one of the places they researched a few weeks ago was over $400 per month. We then went on to discuss as our D is lobbying very hard to get her phone back. Always issues with teenagers and their phones. W stated that she had a discussion with D who expressed that she hates the city she is in, wants to move to another city, another school, another house and have a fresh start. We did discuss and resolve the situation as a team, provided a very united front and worked very well together on this issue.

W wants a fresh start, new place, new city, etc. D wants the same thing. I would love to have a fresh start working on my MR and keeping my family together. I realize this is pursuit and again the DB techniques. I am not justifying as I did not plead or beg. Simply stated the facts and possibilities as I see them. I can make this work, it would be tough, a challenge, but if we come together as a team, it can work.

I am going to let her think and I guess a lot will come when the offer comes in today and how long they give me to think about it.

Truly, depending on their response time, I could get this going, moved and started by August 1 and the kids in their new schools by the start of the school year. I'm starting to make notes to myself regarding how and what I would need to work on our MR IF she decided to move forward. I just feel very weird on this as it seems, unfortunately, that the dbing way takes time (hate that) and with this opportunity, I kind of have to cross/bend/break the rules. She still hasn't had the reality kick in the face thing so I am worried about if she decides, will she really be committed to our MR or is this just a delay tactic to get where she wants. I just don't know.

Went to bed. We still sleep in the same bed together. I begin and end each day with hope for the future and faith that we can remain a family.

I don't know if I did this right, or wrong. How can she be so blind as to not see what is right in front of her? How can she not realize how much this will affect ALL of us? What the kids can do, what we can do, schools, activities, vacations, standard of living, EVERYTHING. I just don't get it. IF she was so dead set on parting, wouldn't she already be gone? Why wait? As stated prior, I do not think there is a PA. There may be an EA, but with her desire to relocate outside of the city we are in making anything else much more difficult how much stock could she be putting into that? I am not trying to mind read just observing.

Thoughts and comments are appreciated so please let me know your thoughts!!