That also explains why W is only barely responding to DB techniques, or responding the exact opposite of what they would normally do...
Also why she doesn't respond at all unless someone other than her is their target.
This is very dangerous thinking. First here is no "they would normally do...."
DBing isn't a guarantee of achieving certain behaviors from your W. NOTHING is. If you are DBing simply to get your W to respond in certain ways then you are a) doing it wrong and b) in for disappointment.
DBing is first and foremost about YOU. GAL helps you to keep your mind off of the sitch. 180ing lets you learn and grow from your sitch. Detachment helps you be okay with whatever your W chooses. DBing also has a side effect that SOMETIMES it will cause the WAS to decide "Hmmmm, something is up, something is different, something has changed, LBS is behaving differently" and it might pique their interest to find out more.
Foundational rule of DBing is YOU CANNOT CONTROL YOUR WAS. If you use DBing as a control method you will not be successful because you are doing it with the wrong intention.
Also, the reason that DBing often feels counter-intuitive is, first it is the opposite of what you would do (which is why it can be intriguing to the WAS). But also if you are doing it for the wrong reasons then you will always feel like it is the wrong approach!
Also, you have no idea if your DBing is having an effect on your W. Just because she isn't responding the way you want, or as quickly as you want, doesn't mean it having no impact. That is also dangerous thinking because, it too, will undermine your efforts.
So get out of your head. It doesn't matter if your W is being led by the nose by N1/N2, an OM, a religious cult, or by the devil himself! It doesn't impact what you should be doing to prepare yourself for whatever the final outcome might be.
I hope this helps blackmac. We see a lot of newbies make the same mistakes and it can be frustrating because we know they'd be better off sticking strictly to DBing principles.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
