I am so glad you took the post in the way it was meant to be received.
From my personal experience it was the direct advice that initially hurt that was the most helpful. It stopped me kidding myself and focused my attention on me rather than me/us/her.
With the added bonus of being able to speak to someone who has been a WAS, took ring off, solicitors called etc.. I have another insight into how a situation like this can play out and the inner workings etc..
The reason I am replying to you directly is because I see my situation in yours. We never really argued, had loads of great times, loving, supporting, etc.. so when the end came - even though I understood she had gone... my soul/spirit wouldn't allow it.
I was out with friends/reading/running, but my thoughts were with her - it was my self defense mechanism kicking in too save me from further pain - convincing me that my situation was different, and because she loved me - she would eventually see the truth and come home.
You say that you do not know how to interact with her. Just take a second to yourself and think about this comment. You are asking for advise on how to speak to your own wife. A person that you have been married to for 7 years. That says alot to me.
A confident, and mentally healthy male, who is strong in his own self worth - (you will get here at some point just not now) does NOT need to ask what to say. There is no game to be played. When you met did you play games? take advise on what to say? - Or like most relationships - did you just be yourself and she loved you for who you are?
Thats the reason why most people break up. As the years role by we all fall into different roles i.e. husband, money earner - (because society gives us an idea on how we SHOULD be) and we lose focus on the only truth we ever have. Being ourselves. And guess what happens? - the person you are with falls out of love with you because you are not the same person anymore - not because your a bad person, but because your focus was on what is perceived as a good relationship i.e. paying the bills, being faithful, etc.. rather than the actual truth... i.e. two people who can still be individuals but are their for each other when they need it.
You need to be in a situation were you are confident to say to your Wife, the world is yours - go and do want you want and you are emotional strong enough to know that if this love is true, she will come back. I honestly believe that in theory you believe you are doing this, and thats fine, but in reality I personally dont think you are there yet.
There is no point at this stage saying nice things and acting a certain way because its not your true authentic self she fell in love with, its plain for everyone to see, that its a desperate version of yourself trying to hang on - which isnt the most attractive thing in the world to a women.
You said above - but I also know that I do still long to share my journey with her. Do I need to completely let that go as well?
Im sorry pal but you need to smell the roses a little bit here. This situation has nothing to do with what you want. Your world at the moment is upside down. The operating system your brain is working on needs to be updated as it currently still convincing you that if you do something you will convince her to come back. She doesnt want to share this journey with you. I dont like to write that - but she doesnt - or she would still be with you.
Personally, I think you need to stop doing things to distract you from thinking about her. The reason I say this is because ignoring things do not address the problem. It is waiting for you when you return.
Your lifes goal at the moment is focused on getting her back. It now needs a hard reset.
This next bit sounds harsh but please understand my sentiment. You need to convince yourself she has died. She is no longer an option.
Sounds weird, but I promise you this is the only thing that you can focus on that will prepare you for what is to come. If she was no longer alive, I would bet my life your outlook and actions would have to change - because she is out of the picture. That is the only way you are going to move forward, by fully accepting that.
When you know there is only you left, you go into survival mode and your senses heighten. Its fight time. You need to survive. So you adapt your life to make yourself better. For you.
Its funny, because of my low self worth I always though that if I acted a certain way, or was polite and friendly more people would like me etc.. because the biggest fear for most people is being alone. its a trick because you never live a true life.
When I lived alone for 8 months, and focused on me and embraced the pain and learned about myself some more - gradually over time, my family relationship improved, my job improved, and my wife came back because she say it natural over a 9 months period. Not because i did these things to win people back, but because they wanted to be around someone like me who had the strength to change for me irrelevant of being alone or not. Its a attractive quality.
People are so eager to get to the destination (recon), that they forget the journey to get there - which is the most important part. Which is why so many people fail in my opinion. Dont avoid the pain, go through it - its the only way.
But you will be ok, but you need to get your head in the game.
