Cory, I'd personally go with whatever your therapist and DB coach suggest since they're the experts but hearing different points of view can be helpful as well.
Regarding your comment about stumbling through living hell and what is their punishment - I wonder about that every day, sometimes every hour. Not that I want something bad to happen to anyone but especially when you have innocent kids how can this be legal? How can that be fair that someone can abandon their family and simply say to their friends / family / colleagues that you were a bad husband or they weren't happy? And then everyone shrugs their shoulders and says nothing I assume except words of sympathy or support for the one who moved out. I don't know, there's the question of how you can still love someone who does that to you and how you can want them back or ever trust them again. And yet most of us are here because we do love our spouses and wish to try again. It's hard to wrap your head around it. I wrote about this at various points on my thread if you ever want to read more and see how others' responded.
