LW, that is awesome! However, I wonder how much of it is S wanting to try to talk her into coming back home? Again, that is between the two of them and it is well within his rights to tell his mom how he feels.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
update- S was off school today. I noticed he was not his usual self. To the point he seemed unable to focus on getting his chores done. Then it clicked -today S was to have dinner with W. S was a running a little late. On the way to Ws apartment I noticed this blank empty stare. So I asked him " You seem a liitle off- are you ok?" He sorta blurted out-Yep. Then I asked " Anything I can do to help?". He said " nothing you can do". So it was quiet ride to W. I had cleaned up shaved put on cologne just in case she was going to be there. I thought I would be nervous pulling up to her place but I seemed to be doing ok. No racing heart beats - no panicked feelings.W was not at the front so I told S to buzz her and give me the thumbs up when she buzzed him in. He gave me the thumbs up and off I left. NC with W. He was to stay an hour but he came home after an hour and a half. He came in and asked about baseball practice - I said I drove by the field and because of the rain there was lots of big puddles we cancelled it. Off the cuff I asked " how was it at mums?" His response was - "Ah OK." I said since we do not have a practice you want to do something together- he said "Nah- I'm ok"- turned around and left. First of all I'm not mind reading and what happens between them is their thing. Just wondering- for S sake- do you think this meeting was good bad or indifferent? I know not to pry.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
He stayed for longer than he was supposed to, if it was bad may be he would have been back sooner? This is a huge step for both your S and W, they have to break ice and both of them will be stressed about it. Let him be, dont pry, he will open up when he is ready. May be at some level he also thinks, if you thought he really had a great time you may feel left out? It is hard to know but if he or your W show interest in doing this again you know it is going well. If your W is involved in your Ss life it is both their good fortune, otherwise you are always there for him, his stable parent.
Thanks for the input S85- I wonder how much of it is S wanting to try to talk her into coming back home? I thought that too.
Arsh- If your W is involved in your Ss life it is both their good fortune, otherwise you are always there for him, his stable parent. Just want to add to that a little- If W is is involved and making a positive impact on Ss life. It will be both their good fortune. Just because she is involved does not mean it is positive. Nevertheless a good relationship will facilitate growth.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Good job on not prying. If he wants to open up he will. Maybe he was just missing the mom he used to have, and the hour and a half showed him that this new person is not her.
Also I wouldn't read much into the extra half an hour. An hour isn't that long and I could see it stretching into an hour and a half easily, whether it was good or bad. Especially if he ate there.
But come on, fettucini alfredo? At least throw some chicken in there!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
S is now officially off school- we went to pick up his report card today and top pick up his saxophone so he can practice over the summer. I was glad he passed all his courses. With the class he was failing he was able to increase his marks by 20%. I told him i was so proud of hi because it has been such a difficult year. His final average was 81%. Anyways he showed me his yearbook. I did not show it but man was I disappointed. There was only one of his band buddies that signed it with a message saying thanks for being like a little brother- if you ever need to talk call me. This friend is 2 years older and graduating. It brought me back to my high school years where my year book was plastered with messages, jokes , pictures from so many girlfriends, teammates and friends and teachers . High school was the best time of my life and what I see is that this could S worst time. Hopefully things get better soon. I had another job interview yesterday but could not accept because it was a commission sales multi level marketing position that I feel would not work for me. Anyways I still need to move forward and stay positive. Hope things get better for everyone here! Blessings!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
S is still hurting very bad. Today I did my morning routine got on the bike early to avoid the heat and had a good ride thru the hills. Took Dog to the dog park made breakfast and went grocery shopping. Washed the car and did garden maintenance. S stayed on his computer with his buddies all day . Near dinner time we both deceided to have dinner at six and I asked S to help bu grating cheese and chopping lettuce - very menial tasks. I managed to make dinner and when I approached S about his tasks he simply shrugged off and said he forgot. This got me frustrated because I have given him much more than his alloted time along with leniency with his other chores. This has been a common reoccurrence. I proceeded in speaking to him about prioritizing his chores before his online games. Making him aware that he needed to put his family before his friends. With tears now in his eyes he said he uses his computer as an escape to rid his mind of the crappy situation that he is in and that he forgot. What also came out is that when asked to do things with me like riding bikes, hiking , camping , walking trail he says he doesn't want to go because it reminds him of Mom not being there and what family used to be like with all the good times we had. I said this is OUR new family now - it may change in the future but we still must move forward and continue to do things that make us happy. The future is out of our hands lets enjoy the present. Evenmore he cried as he said - I don't even remember what mom looks like because when I went to her place -I was so mad at her that I kept my head down and just nodded as she spoke to me. I held him in my arms and said untill you are able to accept moms choice and rid yourself of the negativity you will not be able to heal and move forward. If you want to continue IC I will set it up. He said he just wants more time. I reiterated that my job is not to punish but to support and guide him to be a independent who will flourish. Please continue to pray for my S - he is having such a rough transition. Thanks!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
