Gordie I really like the clarity of your positive / negative lists - very accurate.
I admire the path you are walking, a most admirable and patient one.
You are doing so very well.
I have been thinking of how to keep my expectation at zero. I know you also suffer from expectationincreaseswhenitshouldbezeroitis.
So I have been trying to look at this accurately and without bias (btw thanks for the acknowledgement above - I really do hope it helps).
What I have so far. Expectations is hope with a timeline attached to it.
Hope and expectation are so closely tied to each other.
I am a pretty hopeful guy. I remember listing a few hopes in discussion with Mach1. I still do hope for W to get well, to repair her R with her children, to dump OM, to want to recommit to M, to put our family back together, and so on.
Do I expect it? In other words do I hope it happens within the next month, 6 months, year? No.
I have a great deal of hope that things will turn around. I even have faith that things will happen. But I do not expect it to happen.
It looks like a conflicting state to be in. I hope with all my heart and soul that W gets better, for her sake, for my kids sake. I pray for that. However, I do not expect it to really happen. To state it more accurately I do not know when it might happen.
That is how I am working on keeping my expectations at zero. I hope she gets better, or comes to grad, or whatever - but I do not know if / when it will happen.
I choose to hope without an end date or timeline. I do see how I could get stuck in this eternal hopefulness. So I also choose to accept that there is no expectation for any of my hopes to come true.
I wonder if that made any sense?
I hope so.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
