It's like in court if you have enough circumstantial evidence you can get a conviction. Your W is having an A. Start by moving her stuff out of the master bedroom.
Yes, you can get through this but it is going to take a lot of strength and a lot of time. Most likely years and a separation.
I can't stress enough that you have to show her that you will not tolerate being in an open marriage.
Yes, if that's what you decide. Doesn't make it a guarantee, but a lot of this is up to you.
Don't rush any decisions with divorce. leave that monster alone until you make a 100% decision on if that's what you want or DO NOT want.
Can you forgive cheating? that will come down the road. If you cannot (and that is totally fine) you will eventually need to look into divorce. If you can, you will need to be PATIENT. this will take YEARS.
Listen to the Vets. Move her stuff out, go dark, walk away. Dont share your bedroom with a cheater. Let it be known you do not tolerate this. Set your boundaries. Read Sandi's Rules and go GAL and be the best damn Fmly1st you can be.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Yes you'll can make it thru. There is always hope for the hopeless feeling sitchs. What's amazing is we have all asked this very same question. Is there a chance/hope?
I will tell you from the moment I have found this site is the moment. I realized that there was hope. There have been many poster before you. Many that have come and gone from my time of almost a year of being here, and the question of is there a chance is probably to most asked one. Most LBS also asked that question when they are at their lowest. When they feel they won't turn things around. Keep hope!!!!! Pray!!!!!
The one thing I will tell you from my experience, every time someone asked that question then start applying the DBing approaches, listening to Sandi and AS advice, they have always giving themselves the best chance to save their sitchs and themselves.
The only place to go from where you are at is up.
I have also seen those that go against the advice here to prolong their recovery and improving their sitch. There is a posting name Tate, his sitch is one of the worst I have seen on here. His WW is having an A with his BIL and his sister has turned a blind eye and he continues to go against advice here. Every time he has come back his sitch is in an even worst state. He lives here in the same city as me. I wish we could have met up. I have also met up with a fellow DBer and LBS. It was a great experience. We talk and call each other a few times a month.
Creating a support group is also a great help.
Keep your head up and feed the good wolf.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
You cannot save the M when you are pursuing a wayward W. Your fear is dictating your thoughts, so you need to calm down and get control of your emotions. At the moment, you are at your weakest. Your emotions are reacting to the painful messages you read, finding the BC pills, bar receipts, etc. You feel your world is slipping through your fingers, so you are wanting to secure the M by asking her for a commitment. It won't work. All cheaters lie.
Don't have a talk with her. If you allow her to see your desperation, she will feel repulsed. She does not want a solution to fix the MR.
Don't do anything that looks as if you are trying to hold on to her. I realize this is counterintuitive and will be difficult, but you cannot show her that you want her. You cannot show that you fear losing her. She is cheating on you! Trying to persuade her to put forth any effort to save a MR she hates..........will only makes her feel more contempt.
Rather than press her to do the right thing, let go of her. Don't coddle someone who treats you this way. Respect yourself enough to let go of the one who feels contempt for you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You have been spot on with everything. She is playing me big time. I cant even get her out of my bed! I told her not to sleep there but she refuses to leave.
And i feel like im screwing up potentially. I think her plan has been to divorce me and have it done in a manner that makes it look like we both wanted it. As she says, in a unified way.
However, i dont want to tell people, especially her parents and my kids that i wanted this. And i certainly dont want to cover for her in an affair.
The reason why i want the hard evidence is because she is blaming our m problems on me and she is implying that im crazy to think shes having an affair. She said my mind is wandering.
Im hoping tomortow is better. I need to do as Sandi2 says and get my act together.
Last post was submitted incomplete by accident. Basically i feel like im making a mistake potentially for not trying at least 1 councilimg session just to see if she admits.
I would greatly appreciate if you all could let me know what you think. It would only be 1 session, unless she was sincere in wanting to leave om and give a geneuime effort to reconcile.
I would greatly appreciate if you all could let me know what you think. It would only be 1 session, unless she was sincere in wanting to leave om and give a geneuime effort to reconcile.
I think if you want to try 1 session of counseling then you should go ahead and try. Just know she is going there to check off the checklist. We tried counseling and it didn't work.
She has no interest right now of making your marriage work while she is in a full blown PA.
Why did you not move her stuff out of the bedroom like I suggested?
I told her to leave the bedroom and she wouldnt. I didnt want to make a scene in front of the kids, especially since they are somewhat in the dark in all of this. Its surreal that she is acting this way.
