And just to clarify, I rarely see XOW and it had been over a year. Our kids are school friends, otherwise I have no contact with her. I happened to see her at this event out of the corner of my eye. I was with a group of friends and she waited off to the side for me to leave and then approached them. Recall, we used to have a circle of friends and that all got busted up when BD happened. I don't think I ever shared the details of the story, it's just too much drama to even go there!
So after approaching my friends, they had a brief hello, and then went on their way. We got together for dinner that evening, as we still do. They are civil with her, but it's still awkward for them. Most likely for her too. These were the milestones that we shared as families and all assumed we would over the years. Now she is the black sheep.
So no, I would not say her life is unfolding in front of me at all. We do have some social media friends in common and they will occasionally (rarely) tell me what she is up to. I really don't care, because I know enough about her and her character as it is. When I say that I pity her for her choices/loss, I am referring to the overall sitch. She had a wonderful H and kids and she destroyed her family. This A also broke up our circle of friends, which had an additional impact on all the kids, and her friendships consequentially fell apart. She also did not (to my knowledge) express much remorse or responsibility for the damage she has caused. She just moved on to the next man and his kids. So either she lives with shame for what she did or possibly worse, she lives in denial as to her lack of integrity. Either way, I find myself pitying her when times these events come up and I am forced to think about her.
My husband was as much in the wrong as her, so I don't deny that. The difference is, he has taken responsibility for his part, demonstrated remorse and change, and he did right by his family. Sadly, he still shoulders a burden of guilt. That is just another consequence that cannot be undone. Forgiveness takes time. Even tho the feelings are painful for him, he has also allowed them to motivate positive changes and growth. I have no idea where she is at in her process, so perhaps I am wrong, but from what I have heard about her, she has not changed much.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
