Just a Vanilla change 38

[Vanilla]

For me it isn't about dating, I cope fine with it. It is the cPTSD that exists because of the G raging.

Ever seen a full grown man behaving like a two year old and having a tantrum when they can't get their way. Terrifying. It was of the few things I agreed with Petersen on.

But it's in my head. If I told you I never looked in a full length mirror since marrying the G but now I can? Or that I can't undress in a changing room for sports or buying clothes? That's on my open sore list, go shopping and try clothes on in a changing room. I currently use eBay and supermarkets. Until recently I hadn't a clue how I looked from the head down. I obviously use a mirror to brush my teeth.

I started wearing makeup again recently, the G always said I looked a mess with it on. But hey, guess what? I don't. I bought some lilac eye stuff as recommended for green eyes. I also went to a department store had a free makeup lesson and bought some products. I now have a professional manicure, the G said it was a waste of money.

One of my open sores was tackled I went to agent prov and had a proper bra fitting and bought some naughty underwear!

I have a bad broken vein on my leg so tomorrow I go to the surgeon for a consultation on it.

Although I do take extreme care of me, food, exercise and bits, doc dentist etc. And of course I do groom too.

This is to lift me to the next level. Get rid of the shackles. I can't move forward to the new until some of these open sore issues are resolved.

And I started finding the cash for a massage once a month but that stopped as I started paying my L. I will return to that.

I am also learning new dances.

There is lots to come, a burlesque class for instance.

I am determined even though it isn't as natural to me as it once was.

And yes, I am 12 lbs overweight and I don't like it, but it is about health for me as I am a diabetic (type 2).

Actually I am on a date tonight! I am playing the field as they say, learning how.

At 63 I had never been on a date. All of my R started with friendship not dating. And in the last 6 months I have dated more than in the rest of my life. I am awful at it, but getting better.

It's a new skill set to learn.

And no sex yet as none of my dates have reached that stage.

Now that will be an open sore issue!

V