RR17, I would never question sandi. She is right that in the vast majority of the cases a WW needs to have a feeling of loss to snap her out of it, and eventually remorse. However, every sitch is different.
While in my sitch I still attribute the turnaround mostly to my differentiation, I did some non-DB things too. The touch charges and talk charges I talk about, as well as the weekly lunch date, most here would classify as pursuit. And it may have been, but it worked in my sitch. It might not work in everyone's sitch.
I like what you said about operating unlike humans. That really is what DBing is. As humans we have emotions, and trying to control those emotions is difficult. I've read a lot of sitches here and other places, and it is amazing that those that can behave the most robotic through their sitches are the ones that are most successful at R. For most of the first 2 months of my sitch I failed at that.
RR17 I hear you about the previous sitch. My W had her first EA in 2005. And much like your sitch from 5 years ago we didn't deal with it properly. We aren't making that mistake this time and likely if you do R you won't either. But I do feel, and this is just me, that those old sitches are just that, old sitches. And these new sitches are new sitches. While the new sitches may have come about due to the old sitches, we have to realize that we can't claim that time that passed between the sitches. When I talk about a relatively short period I was more talking about the fact that 5/18 move out is only a month past at this point.
Every sitch is different (as I stated) and in your sitch maybe a year is still a short time. Maybe it is a longtime. You would totally know more than I would! But regardless if it is 1 day, 1 month, 1 year, 10 years, the point still stands that DBing and R are not on our timetable. It will happen as it naturally happens.
I still think it is hugely significant that 5/18 came an went without your W moving out. But as always in these things, time will tell!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
