A familiar story with questions. V

[RR17]

Thanks, Steve, and Vanilla thank you too.

Steve, I have followed your thread and am happy for your progress. I am also trepidatious that neither W has shown remorse or a loss. Is that correct?

Sandi has empathized the importance of this loss and I believe it. I believe it because although you sometimes tell me it is too soon. Hell, I've been playing this or some version of this game for 5 years now. Since Discovery Aug. 2013. My latest BD was just about a year ago this week. But that is only the latest.
Why, did I return? I believe it is because W didn't experience this loss. We didn't have a proper recon. Both had more lessons to learn. I didn't discover DB until this go round. I hadn't detached.

My living hell has been trying to proceed while living with a person that I often don't trust. That until BD I trusted more than anyone on the planet. If there is any boundary that I am allowing to be breached on a regular basis it is this one. Yes, I have expressed this to W. Once while emotional she even said she was sorry for not doing the things to restore this trust. She also never made an outward attempt to restore it. I think she is afraid to find out what that might look like. Another hold back.
It has also forced me to release control. I get that. Faith baby.

I know what I need to do. I might need reminding from time to time. The more I detach, differentiate and un-enmesh, the more I think about moving on.

We, all of us, are expected to operate unlike humans in this process. Deny our own hurts and what is normally healthy responses to traumatic events for the betterment of a family and or M/R. And at what expense?

Thanks again.