The beginning of a long and painful journey

[Rawpain]

Wow, I really cant stop thinking of her today. We texted a little last night. The most since she stopped communication other than arguments. Only about 5 each way and it was general chit chat and I was the one to say goodbye. When she picked the kids up last night I said hi and just handed the kids over so they could have time with W and did not want to linger. When I saw her she was lobster red from her holiday but I know she will be golden bronze in a few day.
But today I really am missing her. I want to through my arms around her kiss her smell her hair.
I miss her around the family table at meal times. I want to text her and catch up call her and hear her voice. Look into her eyes.
I want her in bed next to me at night and in the morning. I m missing sex like crazy.

Im not going to text her or call her . I just really really want too but in my heart I know that she does not want any of it. I think I am just more of an incovienience and irritation in her mind. Im not really feeling down just super distracted in everything I am doing.