I'm not an advocate for children meeting the people their parents are seeing too soon. I have seen too many children in my work, who it just hasn't worked for.
But I am also not an advocate for wasting time on people who have no interest in pursing the same type of relationship I am looking for.
Just because you may talk to your current person about what you want and the type of relationship and person you are looking for doesn't mean you are rushing. You are not saying that he is that person, and you are not saying that your current relationship. You gaging your are exploring and determining if this person is worthy of your time.
10 months is long enough commitment to exclusivity to start a conversation about what the next bit looks like to you. Just by raising and exploring what type of relationship and partner you are looking for doesn't mean you are asking the man in your life to provide that tomorrow, or next week, you are only asking, is he capable; does he want to and/or what the stepping stones or pathway there might look like to get there. Part of dating exclusively is having this conversations. If your person is not willing to explore these things, then your exclusivity is not required. if that means dating him without sex or not dating him at all. Then all good.
Your withdrawal from him sounds like resentment disappointment and expectation. These are toxic to any relationship. My thoughts are that you can either end the relationship slowly by the building up of these feelings over time or be honest about what you want for your future to look like, which is having someone who is interested in growing a relationship with you and your son. One way definitely will kill any potential this relationship has. If talking honestly and openly and respectfully with minimal expectation and no ultimatum, ends a relationship then so be it. You gave the relationship your best self and it didn't come together.
All relationships are negotiations. My current partner and I had different time scales for when his children would know about me and when they would meet me. There were some tense conversations, and just because they were tense and upsetting, they didn't end the relationship, but provided a shared understanding about where his children were in his life and in the context of his relationship with me. Some of my expectations needed to change and he needed to know what I felt and what accommodations needed to be made. These conversations grew our relationship and communication and showed that we could problem solve together. It convinced me he was worthy of investing my time and life.
The other thing JujuB, this is your relationship with this man. Not mine, not anyone else's. What works for V and what works for me, doesn't mean it will work for you. You set the terms, be your own reference point. Figure out the type of relationship you want and ask for it. And just because you ask doesn't mean you will get it, or that you will get in the timeframe you want. The man you are seeing has is own wants, needs and expectations, he has the right as you do to say, ah i'm not able to give you that right now , but I can given you a, b or c. Or I don't think I can give you them at all. Then you can make an informed decision as can he. Don't deprive yourself and him, the information to make informed decisions about your life and his.
JujuB you haven't done all the work you have not to learn how to communicate with a partner. I have found that when there is mutually agreed values and goals and ways of communicating, you don't have the patterns of distance and pursuer and other dynamics, you have instead a knowing and acceptance of the human being you choose to be in relationship with and commitment to working things through.
JujuB set the tone for the relationship you want with this person. He may surprise you and step up. Or he may not and you move on to the possibility of getting what you are looking for somewhere else.
