Natash, I didn't successfully reconcile with my husband when he returned the first time so I'm not an expert in this area. I'm curious to see how your situation plays out because you're taking a strong approach and your wife is probably a bit surprised by how you're speaking to her now compared to previous times. She probably didn't expect when she left that she might not be welcome back. Or maybe she didn't think about it at all and now she's surprised that she wasn't invited to the party and your texts have a cold tone. All I can say is if I were in your shoes, I'd do whatever puts your daughters' best interest first. The best outcome for them would likely be two parents who reunite and love each again as husband and wife, but we all know that your wife would have to want that as much as you and work towards proving herself again. Currently it seems you and your wife are both not sure if you want that.
One mistake that I feel I made when my husband returned the first time was talking about how much work it would take to fix our relationship. I didn't really accept my husband's apology and I kept punishing him when he came back while I waited for him to show true remorse and work to fix everything. Now I know all this approach did was create tension and further resentment. You have an opportunity to hear to avoid the mistakes that many others have made. It's worth taking your time to think about what actually happens during the reconciliation process and whether you really want to go through it. It's both a blessing and a curse because you dreamed to have your wife back but you also don't trust her at all during the early stages.
If you and your wife want to try again, and remember many of us dream to be in your shoes where your spouse reaches a turning point and may be considering reconciliation, it seems conversations might be best focused on re-connecting in general at first. You two could have lunch to talk about your kids' accomplishments, funny things they've done, the great hobbies you've been pursuing since she left and how you're doing much better now, stuff happening with mutual friends and in the community, etc.. You could always switch gears and say you don't think either of you are in a position to get back together right now nor divorce, so you prefer to see how it goes by just spending time together as a family, for your daughters' sake, and perhaps lunch once a week alone to talk in person instead of all the texts. Perhaps removing the pressure and seeing if the interest is there on both sides based on light conversation and body language might be helpful. Maybe your wife will really want to talk about the relationship and you can always listen and consider what she has to say without making any decisions at this stage.
I agree you shouldn't entertain cake eating behavior nor should you allow yourself to be trapped or guilted by your wife after all that she's done. That's so unfair when someone who walks away tries to make you the bad person or takes advantage of you. It requires a lot of emotional intelligence and a delicate approach trying to navigate communication with your wife at this stage. I really do hope it goes well and she does the right thing to win you back. It would be amazing if you could be a family again someday.
