I read a lot of all 3 of your threads. It looks like you have been on quite an adventure and you have done a great job. I truly admire how you handled yourself throughout that time. I would say your W's A has been over for a while, or at least it was obvious to her that the A is doomed. IMO, she has been trying for a while to rekindle your M.
One can never be sure, but I think the signs have been pretty clear.
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So, does it sound like it is over? I'm being cautious about it because it seemed to happen very quickly, but then again, her attitude towards me changed very quickly in the beginning. I don't want it to be an act and me buy in to it, but everything seems very genuine. She is acting like my W of old and in many ways better.
It sounds like it is over and you won. She definitely wants to work on your M. Now the question is what you want. It is probably a stupid question given all the efforts you made over the last 6-7 months. You are right to be cautious. You need to figure out what R you want going forward. It may have been a simple question when she was with OM, but it no longer is.
I would not be afraid that it is an act. Was she acting happy and loving when the A started? Why would she start now?
You still have a few issues to tackle. You need to figure out what you want out of your R. You cannot pretend this crisis never happened and move on. You also need to figure out how to bring it up. Do you want to talk about the A now when she will likely not run away? That was your intention a few months ago.
The main arguments of not bringing up the A are clear. Instead of enjoying one of the nicest period of your marriage, you open a cesspool instead. Also, you will show (mainly to you and your kids) that you trust her and and are ready to have forgive her.
The pros of bringing up the A are several:
1) If you do not bring it up now, you won't be able to bring it up in the future. You basically silently accept it and move on. It does not mean that you condone it (many people here would say so). She realizes what she has done and it is not something she would easily do again. However, you have to keep quite about it. If you start this topic of the A later in your R, the ramifications will be such that it will dissolve your M. You have to be ready for this.
2) The main problem for me is the series of lies she told your Ds. This is a huge issue. Not sure if that is something she will be able to handle on her own. Also not sure if that is something you want to leave her handling on her own. She has damaged her R with your kids and this is not something you can ignore. They will have much harder time forgiving her than you, especially because she continuously lied to them.
Good luck! You still have stuff to fix, but you certainly have accomplished a lot you can be proud with.
