It's been 44 days since I told H that unless he is serious about things being different between us than they are, I never wanted to discuss our R with him again. So, no relationship talk in about a month and a half. We haven't been intimate in....9 months maybe?

Today he came home from work whistling and singing as usual and that is really getting old. It's like really dude? Come on, so over the top.

Something weird...I can't find my divorcebusting book. I had it by my bedside with the spine facing the wall under some other books and it's not there anymore. I really don't think H has it....I must have misplaced it?? He certainly wouldn't take it bc he wouldn't know if I'd miss it instantly or not....but where did it go?? Weird. Maybe he knows how to act as if better than me because he read the book. Wouldn't that be something....

I was thinking today that I can't understand what makes some of the WAS's I read about here leave their kids like they do or pawn them off on other people when it's their time. It's unimaginable to me. I wouldn't ever ever leave without having a custody agreement in place where I KNEW my kids were coming with me, how often and when. They have literally become my reason for existing and they are the reason the decision to separate kills me so much. Just don't get it.

Anyway, I'm just keeping on. In addition to my gun class, I need to get involved in something else. You guys tried to tell me in the beginning to GAL but I was too afraid of the negative impact it might have on reconciliation. But I have to keep moving forward.

M: 43, H: 44
Married 18 yrs, Together 26 yrs
S17, D15, D8, S6
Still living in MH