Things are going fairly well for me. Have had a few hiccups in the last few weeks with some negative events. Sometimes when it's $hit, it's actually diarrhea - it just keeps coming lol. Have been hit with a number of small adverse events, but I am mentally a lot stronger and so have been able to keep a positive outlook and focus on the silver linings.
So I am having an interesting struggle with validation. I know it's rooted in the NGS part of me that I have actively worked to shed. Reaching out to the board to see what people might have to say.
I had a great relationship with my in-laws, particularly FIL and MIL. Since all of this went down last year, I basically NC them as well. I told them that I would be taking space and so it wasn't a shock to them.
Now that it has been a year, they do correspond with me about stuff that needs to get done - business like stuff. But I kinda dread meeting them in-person. I have no idea what W has told them about me or the MR, but they've not heard my side of any of it. I also wouldn't reach out to them to do that. So, I dunno what they think of me.
I feel that they must think that I destroyed their daughter's life; that I am a piece of garbage human being; and that they tolerate my presence.
Let me say that nothing that they have said or done to me would indicate any of that. So, I know that this is in my mind. I feel like I am seeking validation from them that I am not a bad person and that they recognize that their daughter isn't some innocent victim. But I would never talk to them about that or ask them their opinion.
Anyways, it's bothering me that they might think that I am a garbage human being, when I am not.
I need to figure out how to get past it. She's part of their tribe and I know that very well. I have no problem with that. I guess it's just a validation thing and even though I am way beyond seeking validation from W or a potential romantic partner (not dating so that's hypothetical), I guess I am still not over seeking validation in general. Maybe I need to hear that I am not wrong or a bad human being.
