Really need some guidance. Why is it so hard to do the right thing?
Ive had good days and bad. I feel i have a good grasp of dbusting and nice guy syndrome. I know that i would be a lot better off if i stuck with detachment and GAL.
But the thought of my wife with another man is making me physically ill and causing me to lack discipline and lose patience. I feel very confidant that something is going on.
Just Saturday we were supposed to go to my neighbors kids graduation party. She also had one of her friends kids party as well. Now, for full disclosure, i have taken the necessary steps to figure out whats going on...especially since we have 3 great kids who dont deserve whats about to unfold!
Her friends house is relatively close to where she works and the most of her coworkers live im the area. My wife stayed at the party for 90 mts and left. But i noticed that she stopped at a supermarket right off the main highway stayed there for almost 2 hours.
After about an hour i was thinking of driving down there. But i held off because thats not going to do me any good. Shs left after about 1 hour 50 mts. When she got home i was down the street at a friends. She texted asking if i had the card for grad party. I respomded yes and asked if she was already there? She said thag she was going over soon. Because of i where i knew she was, i was hoping she bought some food. I mentioned that we should bring something, deli platter, etc. She said thag she asked and they said there was plenty. When i got home i learned that she did not purchase anything at the market.
I was so disgusted and sick that i went upstairs and asked her if she had something to tell me? She looked flustered and said what r u talking about. I said about where you went tonight and with whom. She said she went to a friends party and then came home. After some back n forth, i asked you didnt park your car at supermarket? She denied, denied, denied and said she wouldnt move out. I even gave her another chance by suggesting she show me her phone that i would be willing to move out and end all this back n forth bickering. She said why dont you show me your phone, which i then pulled out of my pocket and layed it on the bed.
She said that shes not showing me her phone. I told her that if she hide that it would be a nice gesture to start fresh so we can get rid of animosity. She refused!
When my mother arrived(i realize how pathetic it looks to have my mother involved like that...imasculating even. And im sure her om had a field day with that one) i brought my son across street to neighbors grad party. After a couple hours i came back to grab my son a sweatshirt. My mother asked me to sit down and listen to my wifes concerns.( my mother is really worried/also angry for my wife) My mother didnt want my wife feeling that she was being attacked.
After listening to my wife vent about things that i did 12-20 years ago, i was able to ask her some questions. I asked her who she went to see earlier? She said nobody but did admit she went to sprmrkt. I said what did you go to the spmrkt for? Her answer...to use her phone? Me: to call who? W: no one in particular, just doing,things?
We finished up the discussion by agreeing to get back into councilimg to help us regain some respect for eachother anf to work on our communication. Later the next night we had another conversation. She seemed to lose the sheepish/sad demeanor and acted as if she had her leverage back. She said how it was awkwardbto have my mother there and know everything...and said how my mother had sent some video clip about a couple going thru a divorce. I could tell that she could care less. But then she caught herself and asked that i not say anything to my mother. I told my wife that i never though we would be in such a sitch where things could get this bad. I acknowledged her complaints about earlier in the marriage but asked her to acknowledge my concens, telling her howbi knew about om but that it would make me feel much better if ahe would just tell me the truth. She welled up again and i could see in her eyes that she wanted to tell me the truth but she couldnt. I said, is that how u r going to leave it? She just said, the councilling...implying that she she would be truthful there.
I set up councilling for next week and my wife has a seperate councilling session setup with a therapist as well.
More n morr i feel my wife is in limmerance and shs will stop at nothing when it comes to the om. Sandi2 has been right all along. Passive/aggressive, changes her mood to suit her own agenda.
Sorry for long winded explanation...i just needed to share!
I feel like my wife is lost and i need to find her!
