Can I really do this #3

[Dtrmned]

Sandi,
Thank you and no I am not lumping them together. I know my D is struggling and she is connecting more with her Mother than with me presently. Mom is self-absorbed and is home all of the time with her. Obviously the opportunities for them to connect, gossip, hang out, etc. are greater. And the fact my W is wayward helps. I see W engaging with D on teen tv shows, boys at school, her girlfriend issues, etc. There has definitely been a shift in these conversations over the last few months. W was always interested in being a Mom to her D but now you just tell the conversations are more between fellow teen friends than a M/D conversation.

I was very hurt by this and YES I do need to get a much thicker skin going through this. There are times that I forget how intuitive my D is. She is smart, intelligent, canniving, manipulative, caring, loving, happy and sad. So she is a teenager and still just a kid. She views her mom as the hero now for standing up for herself. But she is a kid and knows nothing with regard to the real world and how her life may change because of this change. I am not fatalistic, more realistic. W made a comment about a month ago that my D was going to make sure she can support herself and won't need anyone else. I agreed wholeheartedly. I believe that 2 people come together in a marriage and work together. They do not get married so one can simply take care of the other. That is not a marriage. On some levels our MR did spiral down to that level and due to the health issues then the financial issues, we never quite made it out of that pit. We both lost ourselves along the way and forgot who we were and that we were a great team. She checked out dealing with the health issues and the tons of medications. I mishandled the financial crisis very poorly. We just didn't support each other and kind of turned on each other. We both are hurt by what happened through no fault of our own on either side. This can work out or not.

But thanks Sandi on keeping me straight. As I said earlier today, the small interaction with my D yesterday was fantastic. I am slowly but surely going to move the needle. I will always be there for her. She is my Daughter and I love her. This is not her fault and I did not want her to have issues with this. Unfortunately, all I can do now is mitigate the issues, support her as her father, and get her into some therapy along the way.

Son made a point last night when he hugged us both to say "I love you both Mommy and Daddy" He is being affected too. He is the little fixer who wants everything to be happy and a family. I need to focus on my kids more.