We see L for consultation tmrw. IC, L, bank, Uhaul tomorrow. Another fun filled day.
I want to R but really tired of feeling helpless to make any progress. I know she needs to heal or Maybe just feel a sense of loss like she is going to completely lose me... still has anxiety around me. Going to focus on detaching GAl and 180s. She initiates a lot of text convos. Just wait to respond and be short and sweet?
She keeps pestering me about beach vacation plans. Because her mom pesters her. We always went for D3 birthday. I will be there for a few days staying with friends. Overlapping with her parents where she will stay. I may get a room for one extra night to have D3 for an overnight. Or just say f it and do my own beach trips w D3. Thoughts on celebrating D3 birthday together? I guess it would just be awkward... But maybe good for D if we are all there for her?
Really feeling sadness tonight after work coming home back to reality from enjoyable job. Nervous about move to new location. Been in the relationship since 24.
Finished NMMNG. Going to read it again at some point. I have Seen some posts of success stories from michelle talking about being a great friend to spouse and then R. That is what seems to work best. Limit my contact w her and when we do interact be happy bubbly like a nice friend happy to see D3 etc.
Thanks all for advice & input. Really tired of sitch over a year now separated.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Plan your own beach vacation. D means that she doesn't get to have everything the way it was. You mention "Maybe just feel a sense of loss like she is going to completely lose me." and then go on to talk about capitulating to her beach vacation demands. Don't do it.
D has consequences. Yes it would be better for D3 for her parents to stay together. But getting a D, and pretending that nothing has changed isn't the same thing. Start your D now while she is young to see that her parents are separate. It may help when she is older. It may not. Every kid is different.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
. She initiates a lot of text convos. Just wait to respond and be short and sweet?
Yes..
Or just say f it and do my own beach trips w D3.
Yes. I understand that you want to play family, but that is some serious cake eating. Have your own fun beach trip with D and let your W see what she is missing...
Thoughts on celebrating D3 birthday together?
No. For the same reason stated above. Have your own awesome party for her...
I have Seen some posts of success stories from michelle talking about being a great friend to spouse and then R. That is what seems to work best. Limit my contact w her and when we do interact be happy bubbly like a nice friend happy to see D3 etc.
Don't let yourself get restricted to the friend zone, dude. Anyone can be her friend. I think you want more than that. By all means, be friend-ly, but be careful about being just a friend
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Beach vacation would be me getting a hotel separate to see daughter. No talk of doing anything together. I play in a tournaments whixh ends the weekend they get their beach house. So I could get a hotel for a night to have D3 down there? Otherwise I will not see her much. Not doing family time but would take D3 and do our thing for a day and a half. Still cake eating?
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
I will be at beach for tournaments thurs - mon am. D3 will be going with W to beach sat. So I would not see her for a pretty long time. I would get hotel with a pool pick up D3 go mini golf etc for a day then take her back and get out of there. I would do it to see D3. Talking to W about it later today and have to make a decision.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Journaled after she left first thing I wrote was goal for when we interact is not to cause her any anxiety. Basically means give her almost no attention just be happy w D3. Continue DB...
If you don't want to cause her anxiety, then don't discuss the relationship, divorce/reconciliation. Those topics instantly cause anxiety for her.
Quote:
Beach vacation would be me getting a hotel separate to see daughter.
Help me understand this ^^^^^^. The two of you are separating, right? But vacations together will continue? Does that mean other family events will continue together? If so, then you need to examine carefully the true reason for this separation.
If you are in a tournament, and she is taking a beach vacation, then who is paying the expenses for her vacation? Are those expenses in addition to the amount you will give her each month....or will she pay for it with the allowance you give her?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She is going down with her parents for free. The reason for the separation is she left me and does not want to be with me. She still has anxiety around me. Yes I wil stop talking about divorce and reconciliation. As we walk into lawyer office to talk separation agreement.
Vacation would not be together it would me having D3 one day at beach so I see her that week.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
She is going down with her parents for free. The reason for the separation is she left me and does not want to be with me. She still has anxiety around me. Yes I wil stop talking about divorce and reconciliation. As we walk into lawyer office to talk separation agreement.
Vacation would not be together it would me having D3 one day at beach so I see her that week.
Okay I am confused. You asked in the original post if you should plan with the W for the beach vacation, or do your own thing. Now you are saying it was always doing your own thing. -scratching head-
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I was not sure if I should get my daughter at the beach at all. Our separate time down there overlaps slightly. So I am going to stay an extra night at my own hotel and have a day or two with my daughter down at the beach. This is not cake eating is it? Not doing family time but taking daughter to another place nearby to spend time with her.
Also wondering about birthday for daughter coming up. Celebrate together or separate?
Thanks!
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
