Can I really do this #3

[Dtrmned]

Uneventful afternoon and evening (except for my kids).

Crazy, but W and D are now calm and for the most part cordial and polite. Had a brief convo with D and she was just chatting briefly and pleasantly. Didn't dwell too long and didn't push. Smiled and laughed with her and engaged. Happy on that end. If we are talking, we can get better.

As far as W, nothing to report. No mention of scheduling the mediation. No real conversation, just questions with brief answers on the kids. She did reach over around 2am and held my arm for about half an hour. I'm a very light sleeper. I know this meant absolutely nothing to her, but just to be touched for a moment. This situation is awful. I am so lonely and I am positive and acting as if whever I am home. It is not fake, but sometimes it is putting your best face on. W apparently didn't sleep too well either. I was up around 5 and hit the eliptical and heard her come down for coffee around 530. Her sleep patterns have been off lately. She usually would get up around 7 or even 8 if the kids were home. Now it is usually around 6-630. If she seems troubled, it is 5. A few times it has been 4 or even earlier. Most of the time I am up already anyway. I just notice how things are. I know I will never know, but "What is going on in her mind?" I know, which moment in time is it since it can change instantly and they don't even know what they are thinking.

Who knows what today will bring. Me, its doing anything to rebuild the relationship with my D. This one will take many baby steps, but she's my baby girl.

Still struggling a bit daily to get back to concentrating on anything BUT this.

Need opinions on this. W mentioned moving to another city that we had planned to move to prior. I looked into a position and I have 3 that are interested, 2 sending offer letters. Not a gold mine by any stretch, but I could make it happen. Problem is that the best way to handle it would be for my family to stay and live together. This is just financial as the other city is more expensive 2 households would be just impossible (and of course I wouldn't be paying for that, she would have to pay for her own household).

How do I handle this in a conversation and it would have to happen this week so its not like I could put it off?

The ONLY way I could be comfortable with the relocation would be if we were together and working towards our R. Outside of that, I would be very uncomfortable moving the issue forwards and counting on her to follow through with her side.

I believe she would see this as pursuing and controlling. "He wants to control me by making us live together" or something like that.

BUT, if I had to do it without her, I could stretch it and make it (knowing I'd be paying child support). Its 90 minutes away so W would have to move as well. Not my problem, but it is if she can't rent or lease anything let alone pay for it and my kids are going to be there half the time. I also don't want to get set up. I move and she doesn't and all of a sudden she is saying she wants the kids full time. Weird how you think this way in this situation where as before you would have never thought of your spouse as capable of contemplating that against you.