This is good as long as you don't try to say that you are perfect. We all can improve. As people. As employees. As spouses. The key is to learn from it and move forward.
One of things I have found is that there are red flags along the way. Limerance makes us over look that. mtb, you even said she had periods of seeking the kind of attention she is currently seeking. Red flag. OK in your sitch you point out things that your W has in her past that point to the things you mention above.
So while it isn't "your" fault, there were points where better decisions could have been made. Even if it was the mistake of getting her pregnant before we really knew her. Or marrying her before we really knew her. Or blatantly ignoring red flags because well we were in love!
The point is that all of our sitches can be learned from. If you were an absent, neglectful, selfish H like I was for many years, then the learning is that treating any R like that will lead to its breakdown.
Their actions are owned by them. But we can learn from the mistakes we've made.
I agree Steve, i have learned a great deal about Who i am, what flaws i have that a re dangerous to a R, and how i need to manage them in the future. I have learned a lot about what to look out for as far as red flags, and about the strength of will i would need to bring those red flags up in a situation where I was falling in love, and in danger of being blinded by limerence.
Limerence i think is a KEY component about WW's that is not heavily discussed here. Especially around the 30 year old mark. Look how many newbie men we have on the board around age 30 with a WW that has just completely checked out. Your analysis of this as an "Epidemic" is not inaccurate.
Just a little FYI on "Getting her pregnant before i knew her" Please bear in mind not only was i told she was on BC pills, i was actually actively checking to see if they were being taken properly after the first pregnancy that was terminated without my consent. She was literally taking the pills out of the package and throwing them away. She refused to use more traditional contraception as she said they were "uncomfortable and smelly", not disagreeing, and being in a monogamous (as far as i knew) relationship, with other BC methods in place i felt i was being a responsible sexual partner. **Sorry for the Minor Hijack MTB**
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
