What Cadet said made a lot of sense to me Lonewlf, WW is a wounded, angry, confused animal who does not realize right from wrong. We cannot understand how they can change so much or behave like this but it is a disease of the mind. It shows its ugliness in their unfathomable behavior. If she is not involved with S, it is sad and her loss. As a mother I cannot understand that ever, wayward or not. But she has made her choice, and your love and care is enough for your S. Cherish the bond you have. I know people say its worse because you have kids and you cannot go completely dark, but I think thank god for the kids, it is them and our love for them that will get us through.
As sandi says, it usually takes something to snap them out of it Steve thanks for the info- but would not loosing your S be a big enough impact to snap out of it?
Buddy, leave it alone. She will either permanently screw up her relationship with her S or not. S will be fine. Thanks RR- this is my full intention.
Your S needs one great parent, that's you. And you are doing a great job.
Thanks V- I needed to hear that because often times I fell I am failing or not doing enough. Such great support!
If she is not involved with S, it is sad and her loss. As a mother I cannot understand that ever, wayward or not. But she has made her choice, and your love and care is enough for your S. Cherish the bond you have. I know people say its worse because you have kids and you cannot go completely dark, but I think thank god for the kids, it is them and our love for them that will get us through.
Arsh your words ring the truth! I- like you believe the kids now need us so much and we need them in return . A true symbiotic relationship. Where we all have one another to thrive and survive. Thanks!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Are you asking why your W does not appear to have the same level of interest/concerns for S as you do?
I am because this the the woman who gave birth to this incredible individual- just want to know what must be going on in her head. For me this would be a slow death.
You are comparing your W's feelings & actions to your own. Currently, she has a completely different mindset. The person you M is not who she is at the moment.
Quote:
As sandi says, it usually takes something to snap them out of it Steve thanks for the info- but would not loosing your S be a big enough impact to snap out of it?
Logically thinking, it seems it would, right? However, the LBH can't predict what will bring her back to her senses. Sometimes, it is accumulative losses.
She is disillusioned by her fantasy. She wants to believe the lie, the dream, the fairy dust.
It is painful to watch kids suffer due to poor parenting. Like everything else, you cannot make her be a good mother. Yes, it is her loss, and your S's, as well. It's something they will have to work out.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
WW is a wounded, angry, confused animal who does not realize right from wrong.
I respectfully disagree about the part of not knowing right from wrong.....assuming there are no mental health issues attached. Waywardness is rebellion, and an act of free volition. That's why she lies, hides, deceives, plots and manipulates. It is not an illness. She can change anytime she decides.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
WW is a wounded, angry, confused animal who does not realize right from wrong.
I respectfully disagree about the part of not knowing right from wrong.....assuming there are no mental health issues attached. Waywardness is rebellion, and an act of free volition. That's why she lies, hides, deceives, plots and manipulates. It is not an illness. She can change anytime she decides.
I agree - however she will not change until the PAIN of changing is less than the Pain of staying the same.
Just a note- Did my morning routine - Dropped my S off ti school for exam review. Went to the gym Did some job hunting. My sister was off this week so she volunteered to help me with my front yard. She has the green thumb I do not. Got some new plants and did some good landscaping. Went to pick up my S after school. I was so very pleased with him that he was able to pull his failing grade into a respectable pass. Told him I was sooo proud of him gave him a big hug! At dinner time he asks me to reach out to W so that he can spend an hour with her tomorrow before his baseball practice. I told him he should initiate b/c his mom would like that. I did not want to do it because I knew it would look like persuit if it were coming from me and it would look like I was controlling my S to W. He pleaded with me to reach out to her using his passing mark as incentive. Upon further discussion I decided to do it for him. So I sent a simple text to W.
Hi W, S asked me to reach out to you so that he can meet up with you for an hour between 6:30 &7:30 tomorrow. He asked me to drive him there and pick him up for practice afterward. Let me know if this works- Thanks!
Not knowing what to expect and hour later she texts me back- Yesss! I look forward to it! Making fetuccini alfredo if he wants dinner-thanks.
Hopefully this is a good sign of things to come. Thank you for all your support and prayers.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
I hope this is a good sign too. I don't see detachment on your end. I don't.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
