The beginning of a long and painful journey

[ovrrnbw]

Well I refused to collect the kids for her and have them tonight stating that I had plans and it is not my night. Then she started spitting the venom stating that she has always had to do everything on her own- this is BS I did all the house work the school runs the cooking of teas and the baths and the list goes on. It felt so against what I wanted to do but now I do feel I reaclaimed a part of my balls back.
I think she is going to make things difficult in the future as she holds a grudge and this will be brought up in many future debates.
I have already agreed to look after the kids while she goes on holiday with friends- probably a lie probably with OM- next week and have had to sort all that out. She then brought up that she let me have the kids for Fathers Day on her weekend but then I pointed out that I had done the same for her the previous weekend when she lied about a birthday party that was not a birthday and that her mum was over and she wanted to see the kids wich was a lie too.

My counselor told me to ask a question like "Why do you want me to be there for you?". I told her my WW would not give any sort of affirming response, but she told me the question was more for the WW to think about and figure out in her own head and her own time.

Sounds like she is cake eating, seeing if she can go galavanting around town with OM and have the benefits of an H at home.

[Rawpain]

Thank you for clarifying it for me and giving me incite into what it did for you and what you faced.I am doing excersise but at the moment I do not want to go near a gym as that is what helped steel my W away from me as the people at hers helped W walk away without even knowing me. I know theyre not all the same but they are becoming ever more popular places for people to start A in.
I lost my faith quite a few years ago but I am truly grateful for the upbringing it gave me.
I will be cautious the next time I go out and try and keep my wits about me. I do not really head to the bars during the week as I can not afford to with all my bills now. I just have enough to have one blow out a month.
Thanks again.

[ovrrnbw]

Don't base what you want to do off of what others are doing. You are strong and confident, at least sometimes and in some ways, right?

You made me think of this Tyrion quote.


I don't know how to make it embed on this site though...

[Rawpain]

I just wanted some advice on this please.
After yesterday I can see that I was baited into an argument and I did bite but still feel I did the right thing but probably could of handled it a little better. I can see that I showed a little too much emotion but but I am definetly learning.
I was going to send this to W today and just wondering if I should or should not.

I just wanted to let you know that you can still ask me to help with the kids in the future. Yesterday does nt mean I will always refuse to help with the kids if you ask- you just have to understand that sometimes I might say no- just as you have the right to do so if I ask you.

I still want to be there for the kids but want to get my point across that I am not always there when she wants me.

Should I send this or not?

[Rawpain]

Just a quick update
I never sent the message above as I was not sure if I should. The W was going on holiday for a week with a gym friend last night. So I sent her a message to ask if she wanted to see the kids for an hour before she goes away. She did and took them to the park and brought them back late as usual. Hardly any interaction between us other than kids stuff- shes back to not being able to look at me when she talks to me. I stayed cheery and calm but probably hung around too long but I was just trying to get the kids in the house. I said- have a nice time she said - thanks.
So I get the kids for a full week without having to see or communicate with her.
The kids were upset and couldnt understand why mummy was going on holiday without them. She lied about where she was going- she said Wales in the uk but no she is flying to tailand . We never could afford to go abroad for the whole family so it hurts that she now can on her own. Well at least in a few weeks I am going away for a week with the kids and get to make some great memories with and for them.
Her loss.

[Caz49]

Morning Raw,

I know exactly how you feel...my H went to Peru with his OW and walked up Machu Piccu...something he knew I'd always wanted to do. It made me feel sick to my stomach. This was nearly ten years ago, and he never once could face talking to me about it.

Have a fun time with your kids, because as you say you're making lots of memories and they are far more precious than any long haul trip.

[Rawpain]

Just a bit of dialogue. I had a great weekend with the kids. So much fun swimming and at a childrens charity race event. I invited some friends around with there kids so I could cook a Sunday lunch. I used to make one every two weeks but since W has gone it doesnt seem worth it for me and the kids. So it was nice to do that. We watched the football and I got all the house work done. It was a good weekend.
Today though I have really been missing W. I ran out of space on my phone and had to go through my pictures to delete some. It was hard looking how much my life has changed since Christmas. I miss her so much. I have so many negative feelings towards her and dont think I want her back and I am looking forward to what possibilities are ahead of me but I do miss my W.

On another note. I ordered two sets of dog tags with my kids names birthday there weight and time they were born. I got a blue one and a pink one and kiss them before bed and have found this really helps when I dont have them with me. I told my S that I wear them all the time to keep you next to my heart. My S and Dd both get the spare of each set with there details on and I have ordered them both another tag each with an enscription on from me. I hope they manage to keep them forever.

Just wanted to get this out. Thanks all for reading.

[Rawpain]

Do WW think about there LBH at all? Does she feel any guilt? Do they miss us?

I was just wondering these things. I know I have only been LRT for a bout 1 month and I can not expect for it to work that quick if at all. But I do not hear anything from here and when we do interact it is only over the kids. She never asks how I am or anything like that. She gets back from her holiday today and I am just wondering if I should ask her if she had a nice time. Would this be pursuit or seem like digging for information? She never told me where she was going or who with. Just the dates she was going.

[LoneWlf]

Raw- I am sure they think about LBH and I could bet there is a ton of guilt they need to sort out. IO am sure they miss LBH but would never show you or admit it. This would only show you that they made the wrong choices. They are too much ego driven and prideful for that.

As for her trip-First always be upbeat and positive in all your interactions with W. Treat her as if she is a cashier and keep thins positive and light. You may ask her about her trip but stop it at that. Do not ask probing questions about who , what, where, when and why -that is persuit. If she gives you information be attentive look her in the eye and try to validate when you can.

[Rawpain]

Thanks. She has just texted and said she is boarding and can she see the kids tonight for a few hours. I agreed for the kids as they miss there mum. Plus it will give me time to get cleaned up from work.
When I saw her name come up on my phone my stomache went into knots. I dont know why. Fear of her! Hurt with knowing that I am going to have to see and interact with her? Worried that I will say the wrong thing? Hope that she has had an epiphany- fat chance!
I shaved my designer stubble off as a 180 for me. I groomed it every 2days to be neat. I even took the sideburns off wich I have not done since high school. I feel so naked on my face and really do not think I like it. I will stick with it though and see how I get on.