This week, I took the kids on a trip with some friends. This is the first time that we do such a trip without my W. It is awkward, but we're having fun.
I had a moment of weakness when I saw other kids with their moms. I talked with a friend and told her that my W hadn't seen our kids for a month. I later on asked her not to mention to W that I talked with her.
While thinking about it, I realized that I don't need my W. True that the kids need their mother, but I'd rather deal with them alone. If she doesn't realize it herself, then there is no hope. Even when she sees them, she doesn't show them any affection and no interest whatsoever in what they do.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that she has serious issues within herself. For a mother to walk away from her kids shows serious emotional/psychological issues that she hasn't figured yet.
Instead of hoping for her to be more available for them, I'll just have to double my efforts with them and get them to see IC.
As for her, I don't know what to wish her anymore. I don't know if there is any hope for her. She may continue living her life as a zombie, acting happy on the outside and hiding her inner pains from everyone else.
She has always been afraid of opening up to anyone. She hides her feelings from anyone. She may be living a euphoria right now because she ran away from her family and kids. She is maybe excited about the change, the lack of responsibility and possibly a new EA/PA (if there is one), but sooner or later, her inner reality will catch up to her and she will start feeling the same void inside.
She may live running away all her life, lonely and without any real connection to anyone. Who knows?
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
