Advice on my Scenario Pt. 15-Lighthouse Guardsman

[OrangeK]

not having ever had an opportunity to tell her how i feel about all this makes ignoring her antagonism that much harder.
The fact that i still have to bite back the urge to call her out for being a lying, cheating, heartless, word that starts with W and rhymes with door.
For exposing S3 to AP within a month of knowing the guy.
For cheating in my bed, in my house, while i was off at work to put a roof over our families head.
the fact that she cheated 3 weeks into marriage, probably other times prior to marriage that ill never know about, and "fell in love" with another man before a fiscal F*cking quarter had transpired on our wedding.
She never shed a tear.
Never said sorry.
Never gave a crap.
Never loved me, or anyone but herself for that matter.

I applaud all of you for your levels of patience, apathy and forgiveness you are capable of.
She screwed me over, harder, and more thoroughly than anyone ever will in my entire life.

But yet, i am supposed to be "Sweet as punch"
give her the benefit of the doubt and concern myself with whether or not i'm being too "passive aggressive"?
Give me a break.
She is a piece of sh*t, Plain and simple, and any treatment i give her above that station in life should be considered a boon to her.
She knows it, i know it, and so does her sh*tty parents. Including the child molester.

So forgive me if my adherence to being nice and cow-towing to her every demand is not something i can do easily. or at all.

OM Deserves a punch in the mouth, WW deserves some time in solitary. Plain and simple. neither will get either.
Change my mind.

[OrangeK]

Ok - So what if she never gives it to you? The transparency and truth. What if she continues to stick and move, dodge questions, etc. for the next 15 years?

Then it will eventually be handled in court.

Are you doing this to get ammunition on her for court since having the OM around will look bad upon her?

No, i just want to be told the truth, if she knows it will make her look bad, perhaps she should have listened to her guilty conscious. We both know it is bad, she just does what she wants. Her narcissism prevents her from accepting she may need to actually take responsibility for her actions. This sitch is proof of that, she has done all the crappy things, ALL of them, but what accountability has she had to experience? Zero. What repercussions has she had from being a lying cheater with no morals? None.
As it has been her whole life. Does what she wants, and runs home to mommy and daddy to clean up the mess. Works for her every time.

Is that the reason why she is not being transparent?

You tell me Joseph.

If it is then accept this type of banter and not getting your questions answered will continue probably until the D is final. If you think about it that way then maybe it won't bother you as much.

Getting D wont matter, Tigers, Stripes, not changing them, all that.
This will be par for the course for the next 15 years.

[TBSakaJ9]

Then it will eventually be handled in court.

If you want to ensure that she answers all of your questions regarding your son I would suggest you have it clearly spelled out in your D decree. My decree clearly states that the major decisions are joint but it does not get granular on the day to day stuff like what your asking about.

You tell me Joseph.

This is your way of trying to make her look bad and you get great joy out of doing it. Since you can't stick it to her directly because of the RO you try to stick it to her by asking questions about your S that you know she won't answer.

She won't answer them because it will make her look bad but you continue to ask because you can.

This will be par for the course for the next 15 years.

Your probably right, so what are your goals regarding your co-parenting R and are you modeling the appropriate behavior?

[Maika]

O - you've gotten great feedback, as usual from the board.

The way I see it - you can't stop poking at the bear to see if it's going to attack you. You know it's strong and has sharp claws, but you still keep poking it because you want to prove a point.

With DB, you realize that the bear is still the bear, but you're all suited up with adamantium armour. Ain't no bear can scratch that even if it tried. But, even with that knowledge, you stop poking the bear and walk away because you know the bear got nothing on you.

Stop poking the damnnn bear and get suited up!

[OrangeK]

If you want to ensure that she answers all of your questions regarding your son I would suggest you have it clearly spelled out in your D decree. My decree clearly states that the major decisions are joint but it does not get granular on the day to day stuff like what your asking about.

I plan on bringing this all up with my L and seeing how he will handle it. He will know better than I.

This is your way of trying to make her look bad and you get great joy out of doing it.

No, i am not. Nothing about this gives me Joy. I think that was assumptive on your part. This stuff drives me nuts, i hate it.
What would make me happy? if this never happened and my wife wasnt a deranged sociopath. that would make me happy. If you think i attain satisfaction out of any of this you are vastly mistaken.

Since you can't stick it to her directly because of the RO you try to stick it to her by asking questions about your S that you know she won't answer.
She won't answer them because it will make her look bad but you continue to ask because you can.

I expect her to answer, i just know she wont. She is a coward. She wont ever own up to what she has done, is doing or will do.
Her personality disorder causes her to blame shift to the degree that I could watch her kill a bunny, and she would turn around 5 min later and tell me I made her do it, its not her fault and i am to blame 100% AND SHE BELIEVES HERSELF.
I keep expecting to deal with an adult and forget i am dealing with an adult who has the emotional maturity of a 8 year old.

This will be par for the course for the next 15 years.

Your probably right, so what are your goals regarding your co-parenting R and are you modeling the appropriate behavior?

Setting my boundaries, sticking to them, and being amicable and flexible wherever else i can. However, i will not compromise my set boundaries to appease her or avoid an argument. She will argue anything she sees as not going her way, which could be literally anything she chooses.
I plan to draw my line in the sand, and not budge. EVER.
if something i can do can be accomplished from my side of that line in the sand, i will gladly do it.
I will not do her favors.
Bail her out,
ease her responsibility as a parent,
or fold or lie down for the D for her.

She made this bed we both have to sleep in, hell she even invited OM into our bed.

I plan on getting subpoenas for MIL, OM and Step-FIL to verify if she is still living at home, and to show S3 has been sleeping at OM's house.
I was told by MIL verbatim "Anytime S3 has EVER been in her care not yours, she has slept here at my house, her listed legal address."
this is a lie. Plain and simple. MIL knows it and so does WW.

WW lied on her response to my divorce petition, and she will be held accountable by the LAW. Not by me.
She broke the damn law, and will see the blow-back that causes, just like i had to with the TRO and her trunk.
Only difference is she committed a felony. Should be fun for her.
Im done F*cking around.
Its time to do this by the book. And that means a litigious D. The last thing in the world i wanted, but she chose this.

[OrangeK]

O - you've gotten great feedback, as usual from the board.

The way I see it - you can't stop poking at the bear to see if it's going to attack you. You know it's strong and has sharp claws, but you still keep poking it because you want to prove a point.

With DB, you realize that the bear is still the bear, but you're all suited up with adamantium armour. Ain't no bear can scratch that even if it tried. But, even with that knowledge, you stop poking the bear and walk away because you know the bear got nothing on you.

Stop poking the damnnn bear and get suited up!

Makia, good advice, and i will definitly keep it in mind, that being said, I asked legitimate questions about S3 and his whereabouts. Thats it.
Everyone on the board seems to want me to just crawl in my little TRO hole and be a good quiet little boy and let WW do whatever the Fugg she wants and think she will never get punished for it, as she has done her whole life, as her parents have been wiping her @$$ for her for 30 years.
NO.
Not happening.
If she ran afowl of the law, and they catch wind of it, and she has REAL LIFE repercussions, it will be the best thing for all involved.

I am getting suited up. For court.
Im done trying to do this the nice way. Im doing it the right way.

[SteveLW]

ok please understand. I'm trying to help protect you. MIL trying to claim you violated the TRO is what I'm concerned about. Stay alert. They are trying to set you up. My guess is still that full custody is the goal. Then she deals with you less and gets more money. She may even eventually try to get you to sign parental rights away. Seen this before. And trust me you might not think you'll be tempted. But once $50k in support backs up you might be tempted to get out from under it.

[Vanilla]

I want you to out fox the fox. Not lie down and keep quiet.

It's a long play.

V

[Vanilla]

And I agree with Steve, plus get the pat test.

V

[OrangeK]

the only thing I disagree with is the fact that she wants full custody do not think that is the case. she wants as little responsibility as possible. Other than that I agree wholeheartedly, I very much want to Outfox the fox but I feel like she's always one step ahead of me which is frustrating because it also seems like she puts very little effort into her deceptions and they work out so well