Gerda, you are such a sweetheart. Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. Ive been trying to take time for myself but it is tricky under the current circumstances. I think you are right about it being a good sign that she was still there because her waffling means that she isnt sure about any of her decisions. If she was ready to split and be done then she would have done that quickly, not drag it out over the course of months.
Gordie, thank for the encouragement. I am trying to make time for myself too but just had a hart time unplugging from everything. Im on the verge of having more time because It turns out the evening that I wrote my last comment W stayed at her new place for the first time. I was surprised because she didnt have a bed set up. She slept on her couch. Its hard to understand why sleeping on a couch in an empty house is prefereable to being in the family home. I Kind of understand after reading first hand MLC stories from people who have recovered but it is still pretty crazy.
Since then W has moved almost all her stuff. We spent the weekend splitting up stuff from the house and her moving out. She almost has everything she is taking. I imagine she will be finished today or tomorrow. The other hard part is that the kids have stayed with her at various points in the last few days. Not together at the same time, but separately as they needed rides or to help out with something.
I want my kids to be happy, but secretly and selfishly I want them to not want to go over there. As they get rooms set up over there, they seem to not mind spending time there as much. Not sure if I would admit it anywhere else but it kills me inside that they are ok with going there. I want them to hate it, but I want them to be happy too. We havent even started splitting their time 50 50 yet, how am I ever going to get used to this? The kids havent experienced 50 50 yet either. No telling how they will feel once it starts.
I guess the silver lining will be that with them at her house I will have more me time. I feel like I dont even care about that although I know it is important. I feel like I have detached in the sense that her individual actions and behaviors are not triggering direct emotional responses and I dont feel that anxious depressive feeling, but I do feel sad. Not as much about W, but the loss of family unit and kid time. I want things with W to be better too but I feel like Ive accepted that for what it is. Now I have more to accept.
I think you might be right Gordie, this might be the worst of it.
