Advice on my Scenario Pt. 15-Lighthouse Guardsman

[OrangeK]

Ok, I know this is all hard. It is very hard not to respond with emotion. We all know that the fact that OM has access to your S is upsetting you. And if we, on an anonymous message board, know that you know that your WW knows that too. And she exploits it. She knows your son is smart enough to tell you where he really was. She knows that will likely upset you if she tells you a flat out lie or implies to you that he was somewhere he wasn't.

Don't take the bait. I can sense you getting back to a place you were two weeks ago Ok. Deep breaths my friend! We are on your side and am just trying to help you!

A legit concern Steve.
I am in a much different spot. I could walk up and shake OMs hand right now and be fine.

I only care about where S3 is and that i know where he is.

[Ginger1]

Do you feel you could have asked the question more directly? Do you see where you were making a passive aggressive statement as to what you knew, hoping she would admit it?

If you want the answers, you have to ask the questions. If you don't care, then don't ask and don't bother implying. It will only lead you to expectations of her giving up information freely, which she doesn't want to.

[OrangeK]

OK, I am still missing the last question she was trying to avoid. I didn't see a question in your group text.

AS is right though, you continue to be passive-aggressive. And that will work against you in the long run. Remember, sweet as punch until you get through the D and custody proceedings.

Asking if S3 was at her moms or with OM (S3 said himself he was with OM, it just want some damn honesty about where my son is on a given day)

You didn't ask. You implied. In a passive aggressive manner.

Try asking directly. Then maybe you will get a direct answer.

From about 25min ago.

ME: Im confused, so if nobody was home at your mothers, But he mentioned being watched all day and fed by OM, Was he left alone at your mothers or was he watched by OM?

WW: OrangeK, he obviously wasnt left home alone. He was picked up at my moms and taken to a park and lunch.


See. Direct question. Indirect (deceptive) answer.

I hate to be blunt here, but i think you all need to stop giving her the benefit of the doubt.
I have this feeling like I am viewed as the bad guy here.

As i said before, all she has ever done has been to antagonize and entice.
Yet i am told i am being passive aggressive, and not being nice enough to her.

Sorry, but i must politely say, it isnt going to happen. If anyone here expects me to bend over backwards to be Extra Sunishiney for her, im sorry. NO.
If i am expected to do her favors? No.

Im not being a D*ck, but nor will i placate her at every turn.

[Ginger1]

It's not a matter of giving the benefit of the doubt. It's a matter of taking care of your side of the street and communicating in ways that would be true to yourself, no matter how she responds. She chose not to answer the direct questions, we see that. That is her choice. But the first time wasn't even a question.

I am not even saying be sweet as pie. Cover yourself, communicate properly, which leaves no stones unturned.

[OrangeK]

It's not a matter of giving the benefit of the doubt. It's a matter of taking care of your side of the street and communicating in ways that would be true to yourself, no matter how she responds. She chose not to answer the direct questions, we see that. That is her choice. But the first time wasn't even a question.

I am not even saying be sweet as pie. Cover yourself, communicate properly, which leaves no stones unturned.

thanks.

Its very hard not to give in to her antagonisms. SHe knows how to piss me off. And she does it well.

If this kind of back and forth keeps up i am going to tell her, no more texting, email only.

[TBSakaJ9]

OK - If she answered the question truthfully how would that change things for you? What would you do differently? What if OM picked him up? Do you simply want to know because he is your son? What is your true motivation? What is truly driving your need to know? What would change if you found out?

[OrangeK]

OK - If she answered the question truthfully how would that change things for you?

It would show me she is somewhat, SOMEWHAT committed to being honest and transparent when it comes to the MUTUAL job we have of parting S3.

What would you do differently?

Talk to her less, as i would have less to discuss if i knew where my son was at all times.

What if OM picked him up?

He does, and has, several times. His name is on the pickup card at school, its no big secret. I just dont want to be lied to. OM has been a part of S3's life of over a year now, Nothing i can do to change that. S3 sleeping at his house is another matter. They all share a bed when this happens. Not cool.

Do you simply want to know because he is your son?

Yes. Simply that.

What is your true motivation?

Being spoken to and respected as my sons father, not treated like some glorified babysitter that has to be lied to.

What is truly driving your need to know? What would change if you found out?

I do know. She just hasn't flat out said it, because she knows the time and level of exposure to an affair partner is irresponsible and will look bad for her in court.
As i said, i just want transparency and truth.
Respect. All i am asking for.

[OrangeK]

To all on my thread, please. PLEASE. Bear in mind the depth of WW's manipulation, deceit and scheming.

She does a PHENOMENAL job at saying something politely or casually and still getting her little left handed digs in.

She is a MASTER at convincing people she is the sweet, innocent victim, and i honestly think it has worked on some of the folks reading my stich as i type them out verbatim how she sends them to me.

However, without knowing her IRL personality i can see how it would be hard to detect the derision and antagonism in some of the things she says.

All she has to go on in this whole scenario is the TRO. She knows she is at fault for everything else, and she uses that to her advantage, even when lying to her parents.

[hongaku]

Respect. The one thing that the LBS cannot have from the WAS/WS. The sad truth is they do not really care that you are the father of their children any more than they care about saving the relationship. The legal obligations regarding parenting/co-parenting are all they will (hopefully) respect, but you as the LBS will not and should not expect any respect.

I know I do not expect it from my W, and my sitch does not even involve an OM. I have reached a point of hopelessness in my sitch. I just feel numb right now.

Just worry about your side of the street, as mentioned above. Just worry about your time with your S3. You cannot control what she is doing and you cannot be there when she has him. You have to let go when S3 is with her and hope for the best for S3. Forget any expectations you might have about how you think she should treat you - as S3s father or not.

[TBSakaJ9]

Ok - So what if she never gives it to you? The transparency and truth. What if she continues to stick and move, dodge questions, etc. for the next 15 years?

Are you doing this to get ammunition on her for court since having the OM around will look bad upon her? Is that the reason why she is not being transparent? If it is then accept this type of banter and not getting your questions answered will continue probably until the D is final. If you think about it that way then maybe it won't bother you as much.