-telling her how I feel (following counselor's advice)
I agree with Steve, this is not DB'ing but it is consistent with traditional R advice that largely doesn't work with a WAS. The problem is you're dealing with a cheating wayward wife, she doesn't care one bit about what you are feeling. As far as she is concerned, she tried for months or years to communicate and you failed (in her eyes) so that ship has sailed. Now it's "too little too late." She's moved on to someone else for emotional support.
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And even though she doesn't pay for the car, I should let her keep driving it? The payment were talking about is $1,000 a month. She stated she would not be able to keep the vehicle on her own. Ok, let's sell it IMO. I pay for the thing by myself while her cash (roughly $3,200/MO) goes god knows where.
You're getting into financial issues that as Gordie said may have legal implications, so you should seek out some legal advice on that.