I contacted my wife yesterday by text casually and she didn't respond. I drafted a long farewell letter and sent it to her. Its a pusuing effort and I had to do it. The letter addressed many of her unanswered questions as to why I didnt make love to her and why i married her and why i took her to my native place. I made it clear that none of this was for ulterior motive and i mentioned i had lost attraction towards her over a period of time due to constant argument and fights. She read the letter and called me in a fit of rage. And went on about all the negative things in the letter. In the letter i mentioned that she had a personality defect that she cannot sense simple answers to explanations. She challenged me and during the time she even called me narcissist! I simply listened to her and allowed her to talk. Did not say a single word. She said that letter made her easier to move on as there was so much rubbish in it. And then she said she will see me in court on July 6th. Asked me if i had anything to say. I said No and she hung up. I processed her words for a while and decided to call this quits. So i texted her saying that it would be our last conversation and after divorce its better to not be in contact. So we both can move on respective lives ahead.
As soon as i said that, she became belligerent and defensive and shouting. I disconnected the call and asked her to be peaceful so we can talk like adults and respectfully talk. Kept calling back and she was still belligerent. This went on for a while. I stood my ground by giving each other turns of conversation time. Initially she didn't like it but i trained her. And at one point when i truly meant to cut off the relationship and texted her goodbye, she called me and said that i am the one losing out and not her. And she requested some kind of contact and to let her know as soon as i move on so it may help her move on with her life. Otherwise she is expected to live a lonely life for a long time to come. She said since i am emotiinally stronger she expects me to at least send her a wedding card so that it can give her solace. I said i am not planning to keep any type of contact with her as she called it quits by filing for divorce. This went on for a while. I disconnected the calls whenever she went angry on me. Trained her to speak normally with me. And it really worked. Slowly she became emotional and let me know how much she missed me. She used to roam around the old marital home 4 or 5 times and cried deeply. I also said i missed her and i was at her apartment outside sometimes staring at her window without her knowing. But that will not make any difference. As sandi2 mentioned, she feels she felt unloved and made me lose my physical attention towards her because she felt she wss not attractive enuf for me. Why she would stay with me?
She said her heart has formed a callous never to give me a husband's place. She can simply keep me as a well wisher and friend for which i am not ready. I said that i had been to therapy and it really helped. I expected her to also think about it. She said why i didnt advice all these 6 months time and why now? I wanted her to have enough space to think what she wants rather than blaming others. She said none of my friends even bothered to contact her. She was left lonely and struggled really bad in winters and snow. She was all alone. She was miserable desperate and craved for me and i was not there. Cries everyday and consoles herself. Feels lonely and miserable. She now hates me. I said i did not ask u to leave home and you made your choice. I still have feelings for you. But i cant force u to take a step back on divorce and its your decision. Not mine still. You need to at least trust me now. It apoears she thought i was the one who stopped our mutual friends to not talk to her for selfish reasons. But i told her that is incorrect. I wanted her to have enough space and time and make her own decision. Not sonething based on friends and family. Finally after a lot of back and forth conversations and heated emotional exchanges she agreed to meet my friends today. My request to hold off the dissolution for a month left unanswered and she still wants to aggressively pursue the divorce. I simply listened to her and validated her feelings with putting strong emphasis on mutual respect. It really worked. She even said the letter was so markedly different from another letter i had hid in my cupboard which had more of my true heart feelings. she had spied and read that and admitted to it. I was very surprised that she had done that. At the same time she was continually saying she has not observed any changes in me although she gave enuf time.

Anyways,i feel my wife is now exhibiting a lot of narcissistic traits. By calling me a narcissist she just projected her narcissistic feelings towards me. Although she might be narcissistic, i still feel she has strong feelimgs towards me and loves me deep in her heart. She could have manipulated me. Her self ego is too much. i feel after listening to her yesterday i should withdraw my consent to dissolution and start pursuing her as she was left alone. And be strong and confident in my pursuit. I have developed it. And i like that she can listen to me and have open communication with me. If she wants to pursue divorce she can file it herself. I will not stop her from it. At least if we need to separate we have to separate with hate and not through love. Forum members, let me know your thoughts.