My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 2

[SteveLW]

Okay, going for sushi was a mistake. You should have just had her sign the papers and left. If she was no longer contributing to the joint account I would have just, without telling her, opened a new account and quite contributing to the joint account. I would have taken half of the money so she couldn't later claim that I cleaned the account out.

The SUV is a stickier situation. Since you are both still legally married I would consult a lawyer before doing anything related to the car.

Overall, the sushi/paper signing was not good. You said too much. Remember, words mean nothing. Further, " I expressed to her that she hurt me by crossing the boundary on our anniversary." Big mistake. At this point she doesn't care about your feelings.

One of the experts I started reading about after my BD talked about this. Ws don't care that they hurt us, because they've already determined that they have to hurt us in order to drop their bomb. Telling them we are sad, or hurt, or angry, or upset does nothing. In fact, detachment is the exact opposite of that! Detachments is showing her that her actions have no affect on you.

I am not trying to bash you over the head by telling you this, but sandi already gave you the secret: Let her go. My sitch started to turnaround the minute I started letting go. Not a moment before. There are two states LBHs find themselves. Either they try to control their WAW/WW, or they let her go.

in 99.9999% of the cases a LBH tries to control their WAW/WW they will end up D. While the LBHs that let go only have a 50/50 chance, 50% is much better than 99.9999%. But here is the real magic. In the 50% of the cases where the LBH lets go and still gets a D, they are fine with it! They've moved on. They are mentally and emotionally healthy.

This board is riddled with LBHs that are emotional and mental wrecks because they aren't letting go. And when we don't let go we push our WAWs/WWs out the door even faster. We create what we fear!

You asked sandi "In what ways am I still holding on?" read your last post and start counting the ways. If you need me to enumerate those ways for you I'd be glad to, but you are an intelligent guy and I think you'll see them for yourself.