My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 2

[ovrrnbw]

Not bad. Friday I called WW to meet and talk. We needed to get some documents signed by her for the spec home mortgage and my counselor had wanted to me to "drop a nugget" on some other issues.

We were going to meet at a park, but WW wanted sushi. I had already eaten and told her this. Then the rain came, so we went to get sushi. I expressed to her that she hurt me by crossing the boundary on our anniversary. She to tried split hairs on that, and I reinforced that she knew what I had told her, and it was hurtful.

I addressed what "trying" is to me, in response to her saying "she tried on our anniversary (about a week ago), and was going to come home if it went well". I also told her that if she was expecting things to be amazing and to just pick right up, that there was too much pain and awkwardness for that.

She brings up how great she is feeling, I say fantastic I'm happy for you. But I know her search history (dreams, sleep deprivation, I posted it earlier). She states she isn't doing anything wrong, how if we were BF/GF then it would be over...

I brought up money and how she is not contributing to the joint account, but is still spending out of it. She says that she is doing that bc she is afraid I will do something crazy to her in this regard. I let her know that I am struggling to pay the bills (not financially), maintaining the home and taking care of "our" life.

I brought up our vehicle that she drives everyday. It is a luxury SUV, but WW has not contributing to the joint account since 4/9.

I let her know both of these things need to change, she assured me that she was merely "protecting herself". I say "OK", and realize words won't change this. I'm struggling to figure out if it is controlling if I simply take the vehicle that she is no longer financially responsible for and let her drive her truck. She'll expect she should drive my car, but I'd rather her not use my or our vehicles to commit adultery, especially when she isn't paying.

I told her that I am happy to provide, but that I want to provide for my wife, not somebody else's mistress. She didn't like the sound of that, and stated such. I told her that the words mean what she is at this point. She told me to "take the dictionary and go F$%* yourself". Not wanting to tolerate this disrespect, I gave her the paper to sign and then told her I was leaving. She pleaded/asked me not to leave her alone, and I had to tell her a couple of times that I'm not going to sit there for her disrespect. She didn't think she was disrespectful, so I reminded her what she said and walked out of the restaurant.

I was debating getting an Uber, but 10 minutes or so later, I got in the car with her and went back to my car. She brings up her infidelity and how more people would support what she is doing than me being an [censored]. So I ask her "then why hide it?". She states that she has support from people in her affair, so I asked "Who supports you, your parents?" WW was always huge on going to her parents for right and wrong of situations. She says that I am trying to shame her into R with me. I paused for about a minute, then responded that I am not shaming her, but that she promised it to me. She started bawling at that.

After a couple minutes, she decided to argue about money. How she's paying for my counseling (guess she forgot she isn't contributing to the joint account). I didn't engage, and as I got out of the car told her I'd have to make some changes. I'm taking what's left of the joint account tomorrow and opening my own.

Fast forward to today, my sister and I are in the garage working on stuff and talking. WW and MIL drive by in our car and quickly both face forward and drive right by the house. Inlaws house is 35 minutes away, so WW obviously wanted something from our house, but decided to cruise right by. Weirdo.

Doing OK overall. I had a dream about WW this morning. Her and I were getting close in the dream, physically and emotionally. That scared me and I woke up. Called my 24/7 counselor (work benefit, EAP) and talked for an hour and felt a little better.

I'm debating on whether or not it is controlling for me to take her/our car that she drives every day. I'd like some feedback on this.

I also don't feel it's right for me to give her my car either. She'll want to drive my car (which is only in my name) bc it's nicer than her truck (which is only in her name). At this point she is not paying her part for any of our bills and is paying for her expenses out of the joint account. She has been doing so since 4/9.