So glad you now have a lawyer! I would be mad if OM was baby sitting spouse. In my decree, if someone else baby sits more then a few hours, we have to offer that time to other parent. I like this because it's a way for me to know more about what is going on when son is not with me.
You night want to google this, but there is a lot of similarities between the "love bombing" that occurs in relationships like yours and tactics used by cult leaders. If your vulnerable to that it helps to understand the hows and warning signs.
