Man, the darkness, pain, and loneliness this weekend has been unbearable. I literally can't stop balling thinking that in 24 hours, I'll be signing the divorce papers to end easily the best 12 years of my life with the women who I deeply adore and would die for..I find some solace in knowing that friends and family know that I'm a good man, treated her amazingly, was a good/caring husband and she will eventually hit bottom and regret this decision...I know this is her internal journey and has nothing to do with me even though that is where her initial anger was directed with full force..I just can't stop ruminating on all of the loss and devastation of how my life has been completely turned upside down..Summer has always been our greatest time of the year but now I can't get out from this victim feeling..Just the endless dialogue of thoughts and emotions that continually go through my mind not allowing me a moment of peace..I know I have to face the grief head-on and not try to make it go away but when the sadness is relentless for the last 6 weeks, it is human nature to want some relief..I know it sounds like depression but I have a good support group of family, therapist, and the wonderfully compassionate people on this board so I trust all of them when they say that happiness will return at some point in the future...I've always lived by the motto that good things happen to good people and if you work hard you will be rewarded but I'm a good person and I worked diligently at being a good husband but this isn't the reward I was looking for...I was looking to grow old with the love of my life enjoying life's little moments and appreciating the day-to-day mundane experiences of living your life with someone special..Except now, I'm heading into the final 1/3rd of my life broken with a failed marriage...I know this is a whoa-is-me post but I just gotta get all of these negative feelings out..So sorry for the rant:-(
